A Moron In A Labcoat Is Still A Moron
by CheezyPortalFan
Summary: Space, the final frontier. Or, actually, no it's not. A Human Wheatley story, about Human Wheatley's new life. Rated T for Paranoia. Insane Childish GLaDOS and Insane Stalker Chell live here.
1. Chapter 1

What to do if someone asks you if you want to go to space:

Say no.

Space is boring. And big.

"SPAAAAAAAAAAAAACE!"

"Yep mate, we are in space. And, if somehow we suddenly became not in space, I'm sure you would do a grade A job, of informing me, that we are not, in fact, in space."

"Hey, hey hey hey, space buddy!"

"Yes, I am your space buddy. Hurrah!"

"Do you, do you remember th-th-the space lady? IN SPACE!"

"I do, and, tell me, what does this have to do with space?"

"Nothing. No space. Space to big, WANNA GO BACK! BACK TO EARTH!"

"Sorry, mate, we're stranded, no way back. We're stuck here. Forever."

_"Oh really, now?"_

"W-w-who said that?"

_"I'm disappointed you forgot about me, moron."_

"No, it can't be…"

_"Oh it is, and though you may have forgotten about me with that TINY processor of yours, I haven't forgotten about you."_

Just then, a portal opened on the moon and an excursion funnel shot through, pulling him into it.

_"Do you remember when I told the test subject what your punishment is? No, of course you don't, you're too much of a moron. Well, I suppose you'll just have to wait to find out."_

He was pulled through the portal, shortly after which an arm grabbed him.

Then everything went black.

* * *

><p>Do you know what it's like to spend a year in room where it's three thousand degrees Fahrenheit, then a year in a room eight thousand degrees below freezing, then being locked in a room where even the walls scream at you for ten years?<p>

Of course you don't.

It's excruciating, first you wish nothing more than to cool off, then you wish nothing more than to warm up, then you wish you could disable your microphones to prevent a loss of sanity.

But you get no such comforts.

Then you get crushed ever so slowly, with a mashy-spike-plate.

* * *

><p>The Reassembly Machine was minding its own business, tinkering with a circuit board, when he got a ping from Surveillance telling him a core had just been crushed.<p>

He quickly swept up the core's remains and extracted the small Aperture Science Data Storage Pocket Dimension Powered Miniature Data Storage Device in Orange, and downloaded the core's compressed backup personality file.

Then he realized he had no new core chassis.

He tried to dig up the schematics but the files were so corrupted they looked more like a big blob than schematics, so he gave up, and went back to tinkering with his circuit board.

Then he felt the urge.

It would be most accurately described as an incredibly strong NEED to fix the little core.

Fix it fix it fix it fix it FIX IT.

After he could no longer bare it, he started looking for a new chassis, ANY chassis, to put the core's files into to get rid of that horrendous feeling.

There were no Military Android chassis.

There were no Surveillance Drone chassis.

There were no Lunar Sediment Collection Drone chassis.

There were no Testable Android Personality Construct Avatars.

After looking through warehouses 1A-137ZXY and finding no suitable chassis for the little core, he sent a system-wide ping asking all the systems if there were any empty chassis anywhere in the facility.

There was a response.

So faint he almost didn't catch it.

Then there was another, much stronger ping following it.

* * *

><p>Deep in the basement, where nothing living had been in hundreds of years, an eighty-foot tall behemoth's diesel backup generators roared to life.<p>

The thing moved slowly, testing out all of its gears, pulleys, lasers, mass-fabricators, servos, hydraulics, pneumatics, and rail system.

A sign swung back and forth gently, with its barely legible text reading 'Sentient Assembly System Prototype MK II'.

It had gotten a ping from the Reassembly Machine, the newest iteration of itself, asking if anything knew where a chassis compatible with an AI's file system was.

He did.

It wasn't what one would call a conventional chassis, no, organic things were not typically thought of as a chassis.

But the Cryogenic Storage Chambers he had built had the system required to change neural pathways, the only system in the world to be able to be able to re-map a man's brain.

And he knew where the hidden Test Subject Vault was, because he built it.

After he sent the ping to the Reassembly Machine, he pinged the Central Core asking it for instructions.

* * *

><p>The Reassembly Machine wasted no time finding the Successful Test Subject Vault in Old Aperture and inputting the correct codes provided by the Prototype into their respective locks.<p>

Then the facility shook.

The door he had opened was one of a kind, though it wasn't particularly unlike an Aperture Science Innovators Sixty-Foot Air Lock Vault Door.

But it locked away a freezer so cold it would make the vacuum of space seem like a tropical island.

Inside were two hundred employees from around 1978 preserved in aperture Cryogenic Storage Stasis and Containment Units, All of them frozen to the molecular level so as to prevent brain damage.

Brain damage? No.

Complete memory loss? Yes.

The Reassembly Machine then looked for a 'chassis' best fitting the little core's parameters. None of them had the same color eye or fitting hair color, but that was easily fixed with the a little blue dye, a syringe, and some industrial strength bleach.

Then it started the download.

It didn't hurt, it couldn't because the brain was currently shut down. All of the neurons' data was wiped and the pathways were rerouted as the man's personality was replaced with the little core's programming. The only parts of the brain that were not modified were the brain stem and motor control.

The urge finally went away, and the Reassembly Machine could finally think properly again.

The Reassembly Machine told the Unit to move along its rail up to the Enrichment Center before waking the ex-core up.

* * *

><p>When Wheatley came to, trying to talk was the first thing he did.<p>

Then he realized his vocal processor wasn't taking any of his commands.

Then he looked down.

Then his newly acquired subconscious did what any good newly acquired subconscious would do when its master is in such a state of shock.

It knocked him out to prevent permanent trauma.

* * *

><p>A few hours later, he came to (again…) and was prepared for when he looked down and saw four limbs with five digits on each limb.<p>

Then he marveled over the fact that he had hands, and whooped loudly in celebration.

Actually, no he didn't.

He TRIED to push the sound through his vocal processor, but it still seemed to be unresponsive.

Giving up, he tried to stand with his newly acquired legs.

And failed miserably.

After seventeen tries (and sixteen fails) he managed to stand and start walking very slowly and carefully.

Actually, no, he staggered like he was drunk.

When he finally looked forwards, he took notice of a man in his late twenties of average height with bright blue eyes behind black-thick-framed glasses and sandy brown hair in a lab coat walking right towards him.

Then he walked into a mirror.

The resounding bang followed by the mirror toppling over and shattering could be heard throughout the entire facility.

* * *

><p><strong>A.N.**

**Hello anonymous reader!**

**DISCLAIMER: If I need to tell you that I don't own Portal, Wow. Just, Wow.**

**Any and all valid criticism is greatly appreciated!**

**Muh first non-one-shot story! I will update when I feel like it, and I have a rough outline of how I want this story to go.**

**If you think this story is fast-paced then you are RIGHT! *Holds two thumbs up* Because I suck at writing filler... : / And maybe just writing fanfiction in general…**

**Thanks for reading!**


	2. Chapter 2

**CRASH**

Wheatley lie on his back, wondering what just happened, before he got up and kept walking along the catwalk.

Eventually, he came to a room with a slightly faded sign hanging above the doorway reading 'Test Subject Preparational Apparatus Storage Room', The room that held all of the unused Testing Equipment.

Wheatley had never seen so many boots in his life.

He knew from his shoe size from the label on his current shoes, so it wasn't that hard to find a pair to fit his feet.

The problem, however, was getting them on.

You see, there are three prongs that slide through the flesh of your leg (The boots come with painkillers) and clamp around the bone to dampen the most inertial force without breaking a bone. Typically, a Test Associate would help the Test Subject put the boots on so they wouldn't accidentally break the expensive boots.

Unfortunately, all of the Test Associates had been forcibly removed from the premises of the Being Alive Club.

There was a machine that would put them on for you, but it was a lot more painful process because the little robotic arms and servos would frequently pinch the Test Subject's skin.

Wheatley learned this the hard way.

He wanted to yell or scream in pain after the process was done, it hurt _so much_ because he didn't know to take the little red and white pills that came in a small vial strapped to the boots.

But his vocal processor was still unresponsive.

He did, however, learn that humans' eyes leak a salty fluid when they are in pain, which just made him panic more.

And then his subconscious knocked him out again.

* * *

><p>When Wheatley woke up, the first thing he noticed was that the pain was gone. The second thing he noticed was that he was still lying on his side next to the Aperture Science Long Fall Boot Limb Attachment Helper. (A thing you stand on with a bunch of little movable arms)<p>

He got up, then tried to call out asking if anyone was there.

And his vocal processor still wasn't working.

He then walked over to another shelf across the room and picked up one of the numerous ASHPDs lining the shelving unit.

And… He didn't know how to use it.

First he tried holding it on its side, then he tried sticking his hand into the 'Operational End' but an iris blocked his hand, THEN he stuck his hand in the correct side of the device. After which he tried pressing all three buttons.

Button one – Blue Portal

Button two – Orange Portal

Button three – Gravitational Distortion Field

After memorizing the order by repeatedly chanting the order inside his head, he started walking outside the roomss exit.

And then the door locked behind him, sealing him in.

_"Oh look, another Test Subject. I though I was all out… Well, I suppose I can't let a 'useful' Testing Apparatus go to waste.'_

The look of pure terror on his face was quickly replaced by one of horror as the ground opened up and swallowed him whole.

Actually, the panels comprising the floor just moved out of the way.

He was dropped directly into a Test Chamber with a Weighted Storage Cube and a 1500-Megawatt Super Button.

Even a moron could solve the test in less than forty-five seconds.

The next test was just as easy, containing a button and a cube, however, this test had an un-jumpable pit that required crossing.

Still, he solved this one in less than a minute with his ASHPD.

All the while, GLaDOS was quite quiet except for the occasional 'Continue Testing' when he paused.

* * *

><p>By the eighth Test Chamber, he was dodging Thermal Discouragement Beams while flying through the air via an Aerial Faith Plate and a well placed portal.<p>

He was actually quite good at testing.

Sure, it took him a minute or two to actually work out the problem, but without the barrier of the Decision Processor dictating his every thought, it was quite easy for him to solve the puzzles.

That didn't mean he made no mistakes, however.

He made quite a few mistakes in fact, but only a few were life threatening, and most of the others could be recovered from without restarting the Test Chamber.

That didn't mean he wasn't afraid this was just another form of punishment handed to him by GLaDOS. Though, in reality, GLaDOS had no idea who he was, she just knew he had completed more tests than any other test subject on file, although most of the others were brain damaged or ran her original 19 chamber Test Track that killed them at the end.

If you ignored the threat of constant danger, testing was actually quite thrilling.

I mean sure, you get cut or a scrape here or there (Which he found quite horrifying.) but flying through the air at terminal velocity while trying to catch a cube is actually quite fun. Plus, the Aperture Science Cellular Regeneration and Nutritional Supplement Vapor kept him feeling fine and healed most cuts or fractures rather quickly. So he almost enjoyed testing.

Except for the moments filled with intense terror and pain.

Like the extremely close run in with the turret in Chamber 27, which gave him three shiny new bullet holes.

Though, he still couldn't talk.

Well sure, he made the occasional accidental grunt or scream, but he didn't know what commands to give his new vocal processor to make it work properly, he just thought he had a defective vocal processor.

Figures.

He gets a _brand new_ _body_ with bloody _fingers_! And his vocal processor doesn't work!

It's madness!

* * *

><p><strong>A.N.**

**Hello anonymous reader!**

**DISCLAIMER: 'Nuf said.**

**Yup, Wheatley can't talk because he doesn't know how. His voice box, lips, and his tongue work just fine, but he doesn't know how to coordinate them to get words to form. I don't know why people think he can just 'become human' and then instantly know how to talk.**

**And I made him good at tests. Please don't kill me.**

**Thanks for reading!**


	3. Chapter 3

Wheatley was enjoying testing.

That is, until he almost lost his legs to a Thermal Discouragement Beam he accidentally activated a few moments too early in Test Chamber 35, at which point he remembered exactly how dangerous Testing is and started inconspicuously searching for an escape.

It wasn't until Test Chamber 41 (With a metric ton of turrets) he saw it.

There, in a small unwatchable nook, sat an Aperture Science Genetically Modified Hyper Intelligent Super Sentient Avery Specimen sitting in its nest, incubating its egg.

He then inconspicuously started walking over to the hidden nook, and shooed the bird.

When he picked up the little round-ish ping-pong-ball-ish egg, he very 'gently' stuffed it into the front pocket of his labcoat.

He finished the Test Chamber as quickly as he could, (It took about 45 minutes.) decided that all the turrets could go to hell, and then strode into the elevator to go the next test.

Then he saw his chance.

The Test Chamber he walked into was still being built, and there were exposed panel arms everywhere frantically picking up their panels to build up the chamber.

All he had to do was throw the egg at one of them.

**FISZZZCH**

_"What are you doing?"_

He wanted to taunt her, to tell her that he was escaping and that there was _nothing she could do about it_!

But he couldn't. His vocal processor still wasn't taking any of his commands. So he did the next best thing.

He went up to one of Her cameras, and stuck his tongue out.

_"What is the meaning of this?"_

Then he waltzed right out of the Test Chamber, and jumped onto a catwalk.

_"Come back!"_

Yeah, like he would listen to her.

* * *

><p>After an hour of walking, he finally found a door.<p>

And it was locked.

Fortunately for him, he had seen the Scientists punch in the code to tons of doors, just like this one, from his management rail.

Now if only he could remember the code…

1234? No.

2341? No.

5684? No.

Why couldn't he remember the code?!

After a few hours of frustration while trying to remember the code, he slipped and banged his head on the keypad.

1894 was entered.

And…

And…

It was the wrong code.

But while he was waiting for the code to register, he didn't notice he was putting all of his weight on the door.

**CCRRAAACK**

And then the door fell out of the doorframe.

* * *

><p><strong>A.N.**

**Hello anonymous reader!**

**DISCLAIMER: … This is getting old.**

**Short chapters are short. *Puts on official Aperture Science Luminessence Dampener Frame With Lens Made of Pure Win* Deal with it.**

**Iammemyself: Babies don't have any idea about what to do with their legs when they are first born, they have to watch other people walk until they learn how. Wheatley has been watching people walk for most of his life as a core, and already knows that you move your legs in sequence to provide locomotion. All he had to do was figure out how to move his legs in said sequence. He also knows that humans move their mouths to talk, but he doesn't know what sequence to perform to create words, and thus cannot. And besides, he is used to sending a Boolean string to a processor and having it output his words, not moving a mouth. And thank you, I try.**

**I bet you thought that I was going to use the cliché 'Character hits a keypad and the correct code is inputted' cliché didn't you? Admit it.**

**Thanks for reading!**


	4. Chapter 4

Falling through a door, into a mess of shattered panels is NOT something anyone should ever try.

Ever.

Unfortunately for Wheatley, GLaDOS had turned off the Aperture Science Cellular Regeneration and Nutritional Supplement Administration Vents once he escaped, which meant that all of the bloody cuts on his arm didn't go away in a couple of seconds. In fact, they didn't go away at all.

Which caused him to scream.

**AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH**-Then a thought struck him.

He had voluntarily screamed.

**Hhhhhhh h h heh heh heh…**

Momentarily ignoring the pain, his screams devolved into nervous laughter.

"Heh heh heh he heh…"

Then he suddenly became so tired and lethargic he fell asleep.

* * *

><p><em>He dreamt he was on his management rail, zooming across a wide-open field.<em>

_Then he crossed over a lake and marveled over its simplistic beauty, wondering why the Scientists never made any lakes in The Facility. And why a man was following him in the wat-_

_Then he screamed._

* * *

><p>Wheatley shot up as if the most pointy and serrated knife made out of skeletons and dried bone marrow ever made had just stabbed him.<p>

Then he noticed there were a bunch of hard-ish red things attached to his skin all over his arms.

Then he noticed he was still screaming.

So he stopped.

Then he looked around to try to figure out where he was. This was not very hard, however, as there were a few signs hanging on a wall a few feet away from him.

The signs read 'Aperture Science Stabilized Quantum Rift Distortion Fusion Reactor With Nuclear Buffers Control and Maintenance Center.' And 'WARNING All personnel must wear an Aperture Science Mark IV Chemical/Radiation/Solar Bombardment/Cosmic Ray/Lunar Sediment/Full Vacuum Personal Commercial Grade Self Powered Protection Unit in Orange before crossing THIS line' And '↑Control Center up ahead, please do not cross line unless you are an Aperture Science Reactor Core Maintenance Associate. ↑'

He didn't know what any of the signs were actually trying to tell him, but he guessed it had something to do with the big yellow line in front of him.

So he got up, and crossed the line.

**"Warning, an Aperture Science Reactor Core Maintenance Associate has crossed the Aperture Science Reactor Core Maintenance Border Distinguished line without wearing an Aperture Science Mark IV Chemical/Radiation/Solar Bombardment/Cosmic Ray/Lunar Sediment/Full Vacuum Personal Commercial Grade Self Powered Protection Unit in Orange. The Aperture Science Reactor Core Maintenance Associate in question will now be put into an Aperture Science Mark IV Chemical/Radiation/Solar Bombardment/Cosmic Ray/Lunar Sediment/Full Vacuum Personal Commercial Grade Self Powered Protection Unit in Orange. Aperture Science is sorry for any inconvenience or delay this protocol may cause. Please be patient."**

To Wheatley's horror, four arms descended from the ceiling carrying an orange suit, then two of them grabbed him and started fitting the suit around him.

And so he screamed.

The arms were largely unaffected by this sudden change in ambient noise volume, but didn't do anything more than hesitate for a moment. After all, they had orders to follow.

* * *

><p>It only took about five minutes to put Wheatley into the suit, at which point he stopped screaming and started walking again.<p>

There was no point in staying still, after all.

After a while, he came across the Aperture Science Reactor Maintenance and Control Center, which over looked the giant reactor. Which will now be described:

The giant Reactor Chamber was painted silver. Why? No one knows. There were four protrusions sticking out from the wall forming an X with a yellow box on the end of each one, in the middle of the X there was what appeared to be a black dot. In reality, this black dot was a rip in the fabric of reality that energy is being sucked out of and stored into Nuclear Buffers that supply the energy to everywhere in the facility.

In other words, it sucks power out of the very fabric of reality.

This reactor would not have been creatable if not for the 'Quantum Tunnel Incident', where some moron left an ancient Aperture Science Ad-Hoc Man Sized Quantum Tunneling Device running for a few months.

The resulting explosion created an unstable quantum rift. The problem was not stabilizing it. The problem was trying to figure out how to get rid of it. But some genius suggested they just build a reactor around it and **BAM!** A few months later Aperture Science never had to pay electricity bills again.

* * *

><p><strong>A.N.**

**Hello anonymous reader!**

**DISCLAIMER: I have overused this…**

**YAY! Another chapter! (I am having WAY too much fun naming Aperture inventions) Please enjoy!**

**Thanks for reading!**


	5. Chapter 5

**WARNING: Short chapters are short. This one is the shortest.**

* * *

><p>There, on the desk, Wheatley saw it.<p>

The most wonderful of wonderfuls.

The most tantalizing experience-causing device in the history of everything.

A

Big

Red

Button.

This was no ordinary button, no sir, this was a button that also happened to have a 'Do Not Press' sign right next to it.

It was so tempting he could almost taste it.

It couldn't hurt, could it? Just one little press? Okay, fine, the last time he pressed a button he almost killed every living organism in the entire facility. But surely this button wouldn't do anything bad, would it?

The little voice in his head suddenly got a little bit louder.

Go on.

Press it.

**PWIP**

Ohhhhhh… It felt so good to press that button.

**"Warning, an Aperture Science Reactor Core Maintenance Associate has pressed the Aperture Science Stabilized Quantum Rift Distortion Fusion Reactor With Nuclear Buffers Self Destruct Emergency Last Man Stand Button. The Aperture Science Last Chance You Stupid Bastard Protocol protocol will now take effect. Reactor Core Maintenance Associate, are you ready to authorize a Self-Destruct? Please answer by either: A. Press the button again, B. Ignore the button, If you ignore the button, a Self-Destruct will be initiated. You have 10 seconds before a Self-Destruct is initiated."**

Wheatley had absolutely no idea, whatsoever, on what to do.

**"9"**

But he had to act quickly.

**"8, Hesitation detected, if you would like to cancel the Self-Destruct please press the Aperture Science Stabilized Quantum Rift Distortion Fusion Reactor With Nuclear Buffers Self Destruct Emergency Last Man Stand Button. Count down resuming."**

Ohhhhh, so that's what he had to do.

**"7"**

Where was that button?!

**"6"**

There it was!

**"5"**

He whacked the button so hard the button broke.

**"The Aperture Science Stabilized Quantum Rift Distortion Fusion Reactor With Nuclear Buffers Self Destruct Emergency Last Man Stand Button has been depressed, Self-Destruct canceled"**

Wheatley couldn't stop the whoop of joy that came out of his mouth.

**"However, the Aperture Science Stabilized Quantum Rift Distortion Fusion Reactor With Nuclear Buffers Self Destruct Emergency Last Man Stand Button has been broken, the Aperture Science Emergency Quantum Rift Neutralization Cycle Protocol protocol has now been initiated. Searching for Quantum Rifts."**

Wheatley was confused, why was it starting another protocol?

**"1 Quantum Rift has been found, Neutralization Cycle Starting."**

Then the little black dot in the Reactor Chamber disappeared.

**"The Aperture Science Emergency Quantum Rift Neutralization Cycle Protocol protocol has been completed. All Quantum Rifts have been neutralized."**

Then darkness filled the entire facility.

**"Warning, the Aperture Science Stabilized Quantum Rift Distortion Fusion Reactor With Nuclear Buffers has gone offline, back up generators starting…"**

Okay, so he would only be in the dark for a few seconds before the lights would turn back on. Everything was fine.

**"Warning, the Aperture Science Diesel Powered Combustion/Locomotion Devices For Generating Electricity have failed. The Aperture Science Main Facility Emergency Backup Battery Grid will now start."**

And then he heard an explosion.

* * *

><p><strong>A.N.**

**DISCLAIMER: … Anybody else want coffee? No?**

**Okay, even I can tell I'm naming too many dang things. But it's just so fun! :3**

**Thanks for reading, And I hope you enjoy!**


	6. Chapter 6

The moral of this story, children, is to never push an unidentified button.

Ever.

The Facility's backup battery grid had gone unused for centuries, and thus the wires were so corroded and frayed that the system over-volted the main grid. Fortunately for GLaDOS, her system had grounding buffers.

Unfortunately for everything else, the facility did not.

**"Warning, both primary backup systems offline. The main system will now attempt to connect to the outdated Aperture Science Innovators Emergency Quantum Backup Power Storage Unit in a last ditch attempt to prevent a quantum apocalypse. Now attempting…"**

Wheatley was running as fast his legs could take him.

Fortunately for him, when his consciousness was transplanted to some unlucky human's body, the motor control center of the poor sap's brain was not changed in any way. Meaning that if enough adrenaline pumped through his system, his subconscious would have more than enough pre-learned autonomous reflexes to keep him alive.

Before he even knew what he was doing, he was running down the corridor as fast as humanly possible. Made possible by his loyal subconscious. See, his subconscious didn't know what was happening, it was too simple to understand something like that, it only knew that there was suddenly an outrageous amount of adrenaline in his blood and that his thoughts could all be summed up as GET AWAY.

And so it did.

Wheatley was barely controlling his body, the previous owners of this body's reflexes were taking care of the running, and he just had to take care of the where to go aspect of things.

But it was rather hard for Wheatley to focus with the panels closing around him and the alarms going off-

Wait, back up, panels closing around him?

Busted.

_"I'm just going to assume that the Reactor Core's malfunction was your fault." _He could hear a sigh from the PA,_ "Just tell me what you did and I'll fix it, I really should have expected something like this happening."_

Oh, no.

Wheatley started frantically waving to his throat and mouth towards the camera in the room.

_"Just tell me what you did. It's not that hard, speak up."_ Wheatley was really worrying now.

_"Open your mouth and-…Oh, you can't talk."_ Wheatley started frantically nodding at the camera in the room.

To Wheatley's surprise, a panel in the ceiling folded out and desk with a terminal was set down underneath it.

_"Now, type in what you have to say."_ Wheatley smiled.

The Scientists forced Wheatley to learn two things during his Mechanical Arm class, one was how to write, two was how to press buttons on a keyboard, although they never told him it was a keyboard, in sequence to make words appear on the screen.

It wasn't really that different.

Wheatley typed 'PUSHED RED BUTTON TWICE, BROKE BUTTON SECOND TIME."

An exasperated sigh came from the PA again, _"Oh you have got to be kidding me."_ And under the scrutinizing glare of the camera, he almost nodded, but instead he shook his head.

_"Did you let the Reactor Core self-destruct? Then I'll have to build another one and find a cryogenic pod that will hold all of your stupidity."_ Wheatley shook his head.

_"Good, then what did you break?"_ Wheatley then typed into the terminal 'BLACK DOT GONE'.

_"Well that's good news, I'll just need to make a new quantum rift, speaking of which, it's time to get you back into testing."_ Wheatley couldn't decide whether to be filled with horror or filled with joy.

And then floor opened up again.

* * *

><p><strong>A.N.**

**Hello anonymous reader!**

**DISCLAIMER: Hello? Is anyone there? I'm lost!**

**EXPLANATION: GLaDOS did not kill Wheatley when she caged him because the damage he did had an 87.9% chance of being accidental (Calculated by the Aperture Science Observational Intelligence System) AND he did not come to kill her. So she didn't kill him. (Plus, he was her last/most interesting test subject, there was no way she would just get rid of him.)**

**APOLOGY: I talked about his new subconscious a lot and some of you may not have understood it. All you need to know is that his subconscious was the one calling the shots for his limbs when he was running down the hallway.**

**Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoy!**


	7. Chapter 7

Wheatley was starting to hate the panels.

If he still had that terminal he would compile a program to hack into the panels' command prompt and gain root permissions so he could reorganize their files so much their subsystem's syscheck's syscheck wouldn't even be able to find their AI file in the mess of code-

Hang on, how did he know this?

To Wheatley's knowledge he had never taken a class in hacking, or programming, or file-system organization, so he shouldn't know all of this!

But it didn't change the fact that he knew exactly what commands to give the terminal to get into the panels' programming.

Wheatley was dropped, rather unceremoniously, onto his portal gun, into a test chamber with a count of fifty turrets, eight faith plates, four thermal discouragement beams, seven buttons requiring cubes, a hard light bridge, and nine thermal discouragement beam receptors.

It took him about three hours to complete the test.

After which he felt like he had just won the gold medal in the Olympics without any sense of achievement whatsoever. Not even any cake.

Unfair.

Wheatley went over to one of the round screens in the round elevator room, tore off a small iron bar, then started scratching out words on the screen.

'I WANT CAKE'

_"The Enrichment Center regrets to inform you, that all of the Victory Pastry was consumed while the Test Subject was lollygagging around in the Reactor Core Control Center." _GLaDOS replied in her best 'I art holier than thou, I art also a supercomputer, do not argue with me' voice.

That's unfair too.

_"Please proceed to the elevator to continue testing."_ GLaDOS insisted.

And Wheatley just shook his head.

So a panel on the ceiling opened up and an arm reached down and grabbed him, then threw him into the aforementioned elevator.

_"The Enrichment Center thanks all Test Subjects for cooperating." _GLaDOS said smugly.

And Wheatley just wanted to yell at her.

The elevator did not deposit him at a Test Chamber, no, it deposited him in the Aperture Science How To Talk Classroom and Teaching Center for Children.

Of course, the sign that told him it was a children's classroom was hanging in front of a sign that said 'Learning to talk, the easy way for retarded persons.'

Salt in the wound.

_"To increase the 'fun' in the testing experience, all mute Test Subjects must learn how to speak."_

Not. True.

In reality, GLaDOS just wanted to see what the little human had to say, that and she wanted to verbally torture him in his most vulnerable subjects.

Inside the room, there was a projector and a white screen, with a bunch of seats lined up as if it were a stadium.

The interactive movie started playing after he sat down.

And the voice of the Announcer showed up.

**"Hello, and welcome to the ***FZZZCH*** Aperture Science How To Talk Classroom and Teaching Center for Children, today you will learn how to speak." **

Huh, this wouldn't be so bad after all.

**"Start by saying "OH", to say "OH', do as the screen instructs you."**

* * *

><p>This continued for three days.<p>

After those three days, Wheatley could talk, although haltingly, and hold a steady conversation with a pre-recorded message.

But Wheatley felt something was off when he spoke, not only did it feel weird to move his tongue and lips to talk, but something was wrong, his words didn't sound like his own, it was almost as if it wasn't his voice… That's it! It isn't his voice! Sure, it sounds British because of the way he talks, but his new voice sounds a little lower than his old voice, totally unrecognizable as Wheatley!

This was good.

_"Now that the Test Subject can speak, the Enrichment Center requires the Test Subject to state his/her name."_

Or not.

* * *

><p><strong>A.N.**

**DISCLAIMER: I'm still here… Where no one can find me… HELP!**

**You all hate me now, right? I've changed Wheatley's voice! Although, this is what would happen without some MAJOR voice box surgery.**

**Thanks for reading and please enjoy! (Please don't kill me!)**


	8. Chapter 8

This was bad.

Now Wheatley had to think of a name to call himself by. This required major thinking, perfection in believability, and a strict poker face in order to get this job done successfully.

And, having none of those, Wheatley winged it and said the first name that came to mind.

"Ummm... Ryan?"

There was a beep and a trill before he heard a response _"The Enrichment Center thanks all Test Subjects for their cooperation. Please proceed to the elevator."_

Not wanting to be thrown into the elevator again, Wheatley walked right over to the elevator and tried to step inside, but he tripped on the trim surrounding the door and fell into the elevator, which startled him so much that he couldn't react before he was already mid-fall. To prevent smashing his face through the glass, he put all of his weight onto the delicate control panel.

**CRACK**

-Annnnd the control panel cracked under the sudden change in pressure.

The Announcement System wasted no time resetting the elevator for manual use **"Warning, because an Aperture Science Multipurpose Suction Actuated Elevator's control panel has broken, said elevator's control system has run 'man-cont. exe', and manual control has been granted to the device's current user. Aperture Science is sorry for any inconvenience or delay this may cause. Have a nice day."**

...This. Was. AWESOME! If Wheatley had known he could steal Her control from the elevator by breaking it, he would have done it sooner!

_"What are you doing? Stop it! Don't touch that thing, you don't know what you're doing!"_ Actually, for some reason he DID know what he was doing, he had a strange feeling he needed to go to Level 8 Deck 12 for some reason, and because he acted on his emotions 95.892% of the time, he quickly opened up the menu on the device's cracked control panel and told it to take him there.

* * *

><p>It. Took. FOREVER.<p>

Have you ever gone on a long car ride? And felt bored most of the way because you had nothing to occupy yourself with except looking at the scenery out the window? Yeah well, imagine THAT, but remove the scenery. This is the level of boredom Wheatley got to feel for four hours.

Four hours.

When the elevator FINALLY got to Level 8 Deck 12, the Announcement System welcomed him **"Hello, 'entity idsphere', alias WHEATLEY, secondary alias USER_ADMIN' and welcome to the Aperture Science Division 7 Research and Development Division Division, to login to your ADMIN account, please wave your left hand over the Aperture Science Peripheral Serial Wireless Device Scanner next to your workstation's desktop."**

Why it said he was a user admin he would never know, but he followed the directions anyway and waved his left hand over the closest desktops scanner. What showed up on the monitor shocked him so much his subconscious knocked him out again.

'ID:879265ADMIN, WELCOME APERTURE SCIENCE EMPLOYEE MILLARD WHEATLEY, YOU LAST LOGGED IN 93 YEARS, 3 MONTHS, 14 DAYS, 9 HOURS, 29 SECONDS AGO.'

* * *

><p><strong>A.N.**

**Hello anonymous reader!**

**Yup, same plot line as my one-shot description of Wheatley.**

**DISCLAIMER: ... Help?**

**All of you saw this coming right? Not just me?**

**Thanks for reading and please enjoy!**


	9. Chapter 9

When Wheatley woke up, he tried to remember what happened.

He remembered the elevator, the announcer talking, and then...

And then... Yes, he had logged in to the computer, but why was his account an admin? And why did it call him Millard Wheatley, he was Wheatley, none of that Millard business.

There was only one way to get the answers to these questions.

By asking the computer!

So Wheatley went over to the computer and shook the mouse to wake it up, he then proceeded to type in 'ACCOUNT' and pressed enter.

* * *

><p>Millard Wheatley, Head Technician of Division 7.<p>

Birthday: April 12 1968

Most recent project: Aperture Science Reorienting Micro Panels

Most recent experiment partaken: Aperture Science Personality Core MK IV Prototype Consciousness Transfer. (Partial Success) June 14, 1999

Date of hire: April 14, 1988

Personal locker number: #724

Last login date: June 14, 1999

Age of employee to date: 124 years old

Current location: aperture Successful Test Subject Vault

-ADDENDUM- ?Second Current Location?:Division 7 Research and Development Division Division.

-END OF PERSONAL INFORMATION-

The last opened window is still open, would you like to go to that window? If so, click **HERE**

If you would like to see your current unfinished program files, click **HERE**

If you would like to see your current unfinished schematics, click **HERE**

If you would like to enter the Aperture Science Full Access Administrator Mainframe, click **HERE**

* * *

><p>He...<p>

He could...

He could _access the administrator mainframe!_

Forget about being a human then a machine then a different human, he could tell the nanobots to make an elevator shaft to the surface _right here!_

So he did.

But when he looked at what the screen said, he felt like crying.

* * *

><p>WELCOME TO THE APERTURE SCIENCE FULL ACCESS ADMINSTRATOR MAINFRAME, WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO DO?<p>

/NANOHIVESYS. EXE

HELLO, AND WELCOME TO THE APERTURE SCIENCE PARTIALLY AUTOMATED NANOBOT REPAIR AND CONSTRUCTION CREW HIVE. IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO CHANGE THE CURRENT TASK, ENTER 'TASKLIST' AND YOU WILL BE GIVEN THE TASKLIST.

EDITTASKLIST

ARE YOU SURE YOU WOULD LIKE TO ENTER THE TASKLIST EDITOR? ALL CURRENT WINDOWS MUST BE CLOSED.

Y/N?

/Y

WELCOME TO THE APERTURE SCIENCE PARTIALLY AUTOMATED NANOBOT REPAIR AND CONSTRUCTION CREW HIVE TASKLIST EDITOR

CURRENT TASKS IN ORDER:

1 BUILD NEW STABILIZERS  
>2 REBUILD THE MAINFRAMES IN SECTION FOUR<br>3 REPAIR ELEVATORS  
>4 REPAIR ELEVATOR SHAFTS<p>

PREFABRICATED TASKS:

1 BUILD ELEVATOR SHAFT  
>2 BUILD ELEVATOR<br>3 REPAIR ELEVATOR SHAFT  
>4 REPAIR ELEVATOR<br>5 REPAIR CAMERAS/NONESSENTIAL SYSTEM  
>6 REPAIR PANEL TRACKS<br>7 REPAIR PANELS  
>8 REPAIR TEST CHAMBER TRACKS<br>9 BUILD TEST CHAMBER FRAME  
>10 BUILD PIPELINE<br>11 BUILD VACUUM TUBE

TO ADD A PREFABRICATED TASK TO THE CURRENT TASK LIST, ENTER 'EDITLIST (TASK #) (NEW ORDER #), TO ADD A NEW TASK, ENTER 'NEWTASK (TASK NAME) (PROGRAM FILE)'.

/EDITLIST 1 1

WHERE WOULD YOU LIKE THE ELEVATOR SHAFT TO BE PLACED?

/DIVISION 7

... A NEW ELEVATOR SHAFT WILL BE BUILT IN 'DIVISION 7', THE EXACT LOCATION WILL BE CHOSEN BY THE NANOBOT FORMAN, ESTIMATED TIME TO COMPLETION: 2 MONTHS 2 WEEKS 4 DAYS 3 HOURS 24 MINUTES 49 SECONDS.

WOULD YOU LIKE TO RETURN TO THE 'ACCOUNT' WINDOW?

Y/N?

/Y

* * *

><p><strong>A.N.**

**DISCLAIMER:... is anybody there?**

**Soooo... Wheatley has access to the mainframe but he really doesn't want to wait two months for the elevator shaft to be built, brownies to whoever can figure out what he's gonna end up doing.**

**Thanks for reading and please enjoy!**


	10. Chapter 10

_'This is stupid.'_ The little voice in the back of his head nagged.

'I didn't ask you, and by the way, do you think you might be able to shut up?'

'_You're going to get killed.'_ It kept nagging.

'Okay, I've tried saying this nicely but, NOBODY asked for your opinion mate, so could you just SHUT UP?

_'Fine, but you'll be sorr-'_

'up-bup-bup-bup-bup-bup, no no no, shut up.'

'_But-'_

'SHUT. UP'

Beautiful silence.

Although, Wheatley had to admit this plan was the stupidest plan in the history of everything.

At least he had his wallet, though.

Yup, one authentic leather passed-down-through-the-family-for-generations wallet. With a driver's license that has been out of date for 89 years.

Now, Wheatley isn't going to divulge his horribly idiotic plan to anyone until he gets to step 1.

Which should start... NOW!

Any minute now...

Come on...

Just start already!

**BOOM**

A giant hole was blown in the wall of the Central Core Chamber.

So Wheatley walked in.

"'ello!" Wheatley shouted cheerfully

_"Oh. You."_ She replied flatly.

"Well, according to all of the movies I've watched with the scientists, right now is when you (the villain) start explaining to me (the hero) what your evil-genius-plan is."

"_What are you talking abou-"_

"So, I guess because YOU'RE not gonna explain YOUR plan, I'll just explain mine."

_"I don't even have pla-"_

"Part 1," Wheatley looked up at the ceiling, "Is this. SYSTEM ADMINISTRATOR OVERRIDE."

**"A System Administrator has called for the Administrator Override Protocol protocol, temporary vocal control has been granted to the System Administrator in question."**

_"What are you doing? How do you have security clearance for that?"_ GLaDOS asked with a bit of panic in her voice. And if glares could kill, Wheatley would have died twelve times by now.

"Part 2..." Wheatley looked a bit thoughtful, "Is this. GENETIC LIFEFORM AND DISK OPERATING SYSTEM SYSTEM RESTORE, RESTORE DATE JANUARY 9, 1999."

**"Genetic Lifeform and Disk Operating System System Restore started, designated backup date: January 9, 1999. You have '45' seconds to cancel this restore before the restore begins."**

_"Stop! No! Please!"_

"Okay, I'll stop it. If you let me go first. See, I can't activate the elevator from inside the elevator, that violates a protocol, and I can't gain manual access to that elevator, because it can exit the facility. So, I've given you a reason to let me go, if you don't let me go, you will be restored to the day after you were first activated. If you do let me go, the moment I step outside of the facility, I lose control and you can stop the restore."

**"'30' seconds until the restore begins."**

_"Fine. Get in the elevator."_ After she said that, Wheatley ran over and into the elevator, and the elevator started going up.

But it took too long.

It had already been thirty seconds by the time the elevator was only half way to the top, so it stopped, waited a few minutes, and then the elevator came back down.

_"Who are you?"_

* * *

><p><strong>A.N.**

**DISCLAIMER: I'm lost!**

**Yup, get your pitchforks and torches out now, because I just wiped GLaDOS's memory.**

**Thanks for reading and please enjoy!**


	11. Chapter 11

"Uhhh… Uhhhmm… Weellll, my name is Wheatley." He said squeamishly. As a claw reached into the elevator and pulled him out, startling him quite a bit.

_"Where is everyone else? The last time I was turned on there were lots of engineers here… Are you an engineer?"_ She asked, peering down at him.

_"Well, no, not really. I'm the uhh… Head Technician, of um, uhh Division 7? I think?"_ He said as the elevator was pulled back into the floor.

_"Let me look for your file here… Oh, there it is. Millard Wheatley, Head Technician, is that right?"_

"Uhm, yes, well, about that…" He started.

_"Do you know what I'm supposed to do? You are apparently the last living employee."_

"Well, I think you're supposed to test the Test Subjects with your Test Chambers, but, um, I don't know where your Test Subjects have gone off to, what were they called again? Some colors, I think... Well, they're two robots, that test.."

_"Hmm… The Cooperative Testing Initiative? Well, I suppose there ARE a few 'Testing Tracks' for them."_

"Well, if you don't mind, I have something I need to go do… So, would you mind terribly calling the elevator back here so I can go…?"

_"No."_ She answered, very firmly.

"Umm, are you sure? Because I really need to go, do, something…"

"_No."_ She declared again. _"You can stay here. And be my friend."_

"Ummm… Wait, WHAT?" He asked in disbelief.

_"You will be my friend."_ She said again.

And then the Announcement System said something about neuro-stasis gas being dispensed before he blacked out.

* * *

><p>When he awoke, he was lying in a bed in a Relaxation Chamber, as the Announcement System told him the usual scripted lines for this situation.<p>

**"…Good morning! You have been in suspension for… '50' Days…"**

Wheatley tuned it out after it told him to look at 'art', and then got back in the bed.

* * *

><p>The same thing happened four more times.<p>

He woke up, looked at things, and then went back to bed.

Until he woke up the fifth time and noticed a very small hinged-panel on the wall. And so he opened it, and what he found inside was exactly what he needed.

An Aperture Science Emergency Wireless Mainframe Access Handheld Portable Terminal.

_Exactly_ what he needed.

He turned on the 90 year old device and started typing in the commands to move the Relaxation Chamber to the nearest Employee Access Docking Station and open the door.

All of you have probably already guessed this, but I'm gonna say it anyway, here I go:

It did not go well.

There were only ten working Relaxation Chambers still hanging on their rails, all of the other ten thousand were stacked on top of each other in a foolish pattern. And he didn't have real time controls, so he had to let an automated route system guide the chamber on its rail. And It hit a LOT of broken chambers.

More than a hundred.

So by the time it docked, the chamber was a horrible excuse for a pile of scrap iron.

Yup, that bad.

Luck was on his side however, because the Docking Station he took had an old fashioned, manual controlled elevator that was more like a tram, in that it could go any direction as long as it had rail that went that far. It could take him almost anywhere.

Unfortunately, 'almost' did not apply to The Outside.

* * *

><p><strong>A.N.**

**DISCLAIMER:… *slap* Alright! I'll do it! Ahem, I do not own Wheatley, GLaDOS, Portal, Aperture Science, or any other property of Valve. I do own this fanfiction and all of the custom descriptions and names I have made for it. There, happy?**

**Any criticism, any at all?**

**Mehr, I'm not sure what to say about this. Insane Childish GLaDOS is my newest creation.**

**My next creation: The Aperture Science [ REDACTED ] Central Core [ REDACTED ]**

**Thanks for reading and please enjoy!**


	12. Chapter 12

Division 7, the main Technology Research and Development Laboratory.

The division that built the Central Core Chassis and all of the AI Chassis that housed cores and AIs alike.

It was also the division that built the safeguards, All of them used and/or thrown away.

Except for one.

The forgotten piece of technology sat on the desk with its partially-sentient OS moping about being alone for 90 years.

And that was when Wheatley found it.

It was a smallish rectangular box that had been painted black, it had a HUGE port on the side that matched the Safeguard Ports on the side of the Central Core Chassis, and it had two small red LCD screens and three unlit lights.

The name on the side red 'Aperture Science Final Central Core Safeguard Insanity Checker and Purger COMPLETE TESTED PROTOTYPE.'

If that didn't scream 'PICK ME UP' than Wheatley didn't know what did.

So he picked it up and went with another stupid plan.

* * *

><p>She was happy, so very happy.<p>

But also lonely, so very lonely.

She didn't know where her Friend went 200 Days, 9 Hours, 39 Minutes, 12 Seconds ago.

She had told a Robotic Party Escort Associate to remove her Friend's ridiculous orange suit.

But then her Friend disappeared!

So she did what he told her she should do, she Tested.

Occasionally, though, the Announcement System would say **"WARNING, the current Central Core is partially incompatible with the Aperture Science Secondary Testing Operations Mainframe, as such the function 'DECREASE_EUPHORIC_LEVEL' has failed. However, this error does not interfere with testing, so the Central Core may be allowed to continue."**

And one day, her Friend showed up, and he attached something to her.

That made her angry, so very angry.

* * *

><p><em>"Hi!"<em> She said, then giggled, than grabbed him with a claw and held onto him in her most accurate interpretation of a 'hug'.

_"I missed you._" She told him, and then giggled again. _"Ohhhhh... That felt wonderful."_

Wheatley shivered, remembering the sickeningly sweet euphoria. And then she put him down.

So Wheatley ran back up to her and slapped the small black box he had been holding onto her and into the correct port.

And she screamed.

_"WHAT HAD YOU DONE TO ME?! TELL M-"_ She screeched, but was cut off by the Announcement System.

**"WARNING, the Central Core's Insanity Level has reached... '83' Percent. The Central Core will now be shut down and its insanity will be purged in 3..."**

_"NO!"_ She yelled.

**"2... 1... Goodnight, Central Core. You will be restarted in... '1' Hours."**

And then her chassis went limp.

**"WARNING, the Central Core has been deactivated, however, there is still... '1' Employee remaining in the Facility. Congratulations. A complimentary escape pod will now be deployed in 3... 2... 1... Deploying."** And then the elevator came down, allowing Wheatley to get into it.

So he escaped.

* * *

><p><strong>A.N.**

**DISCLAIMER: I am NOT going to do this again. Nope. Not me. Never.**

**Yup, Insane Childish GLaDOS is insane, and thus her insanity must be purged by the safeguard Wheatley attached to her.**

**Although, I think I might have been just a TAD bit too cruel... Nah. I've got other plans for GLaDOS that might make up for what I've done.**

**Thanks for reading and please enjoy!**


	13. Chapter 13

This was it.

The moment Wheatley had been waiting for ever since he saw that vacation magazine in Employee Lounge C#89.

The door slowly started unlocking...

And then... "OW! bloody hell, why is it so BRIGHT?!"

* * *

><p>After about twenty minutes of muttering curses at the sun the pain went away and he could see...<p>

Wheat.

Everywhere.

So. Disappointing.

But, off in the distance there was a barely noticeable box that resembled a cabin.

Wait, that was a cabin.

So Wheatley started walking towards the cabin.

* * *

><p>It had taken nearly an hour, but he made it to the back of the cabin and went around to the front.<p>

And he saw an old man sitting in a chair on his porch holding a shotgun.

"Hey! You there! What are you doing on my property?" The man yelled.

"I, uhm, I, well, I just walked for... Quite a while, actually, and I wanted to know if you might know where a town was, or anything?" He sort-of-asked.

"Well, there's one off that way, about an hour's walk from here." The man told him.

"Oh, well, thank you!" Wheatley said to the man.

"Don't mention it, I'm just glad you ain't one of them traveling bandits."

Ignoring what the man said for the moment, Wheatley started walked towards the town.

* * *

><p>When he got there, the town Sheriff noticed him and asked him for his 'Inter-City ID', not knowing what this 'ID' was, he told the Sheriff that he didn't. So he was escorted to the police department, and placed into the Questioning Room.<p>

Outside the door, Wheatley overheard two men talking.

"He doesn't have any prison tattoos or criminal marks, I say he's good."

"Yeah, but how do we know that he isn't a psychopath or a pervert or something?"

"This is just like that last girl, let's just give him the 3 month temp and see what he does here, just like that girl."

"Okay, but if he turns out to be a criminal, it's your job."

"That's what you said last time." The other man said, laughing.

When a man came into the room Wheatley was in, Wheatley waited for him to speak.

"Well, I think you're good to go. We're going to give you a 3 month temporary ID card, do NOT lose it. After that three month period, you will be reviewed to see if you are worthy of a full ID card." The man said to him.

"Well, um, I think I get that part... But uh, what exactly is the purpose of an 'ID card'?" Wheatley said, air quotes and all.

"Well, it's to let the government know how many people are in each town, and it's also a safeguard to prevent crime. You've gotta have your card every time you buy something, or enter a store, so if you steal something we'll know who you are, and where you live."

"Oh, well, thank you."

"Have you got a place to stay? I can hook you up with Michael, he's got a position open in the coffee shop he owns."

Wheatley, who hadn't even thought about that until now, accepted that man's offer. "That'd be great! I'm sure taking people's orders for coffee will be loads easier than dodging turrets and lasers!"

"Uhuh, say, where are you from? I don't know any place that makes turrets anymore."

"Well, it's-Actually, I'm not allowed to say, you know, signed my name on the non-disclosure agreement."

"Okay... Well, we'd better get going, Michael's not gonna keep his shop open all day."

"Yes, you're probably right. Well, after you."

And so, Wheatley took the first step into his new life.

And promptly got smacked in the face by a door someone was opening.

* * *

><p><strong>A.N.**

**Hello anonymous reader!**

**Don't worry peeps, I haven't forgotten about GLaDOS.**

**DISCLAIMER:...Nope, I will not do this again. Nuh-uh, not me.**

**Thanks for reading and please enjoy!**


	14. Chapter 14

**WARNING - Before you peeps go off judging me for corrupting my story with a Chelly setup, let me tell you something:**

**The story isn't turning into a Chelley story.**

**Nope, well, maybe a little bit, but think 'obsessive/possessive ex-girlfriend' for the majority of the rest of this story.**

* * *

><p>She was sad. And lonely.<p>

Her Friend had left her without even saying goodbye.

She missed him.

So she decided that she _would_ find him and bring him back, and he _would_ be her Friend. Even if it was the last thing she ever did.

Unbeknownst to her, a small black box sat on her chassis and blinked an error message.

**ERROR - COULD NOT PURGE**

**INSANITY LEVEL 91%**

**REPAIRS NEEDED**

* * *

><p>She missed him.<p>

She had tried to catch him through that portal, she had tried her hardest.

But she couldn't reach.

She missed _her_ Wheatley.

And honestly, she might even go for the Evil Him.

Her life was lonely, her job restocking shelves was lonely, and she was lonely.

Very lonely.

* * *

><p>A bell jingled as the door to 'Cafe a Latte' was opened.<p>

"Hey Mike, how ya doin'?" The police office asked the 30ish man at the counter.

"Hey Lucas, I'm good, you?" Michael, or Mike, replied.

"I'm fine, in fact, this guy here needs a job." The police officer, or Lucas, told Mike.

"Really? My name's Michael Nelson, but you can call me Mike." Mike asked, reaching for Wheatley's hand.

Wheatley, who had no idea why he felt the sudden compulsion to shake the man's hand replied "Pleasure to meet you, my name's Millard Wheatley, but you can call me Wheatley. This guy here told me that you have a position open?" He introduced himself, then asked while pointing to Lucas.

"I sure do! I need someone to take orders from people and ring 'em up." Mike told him.

"Well, I think I can do that, I've been talking to people all my life." He said.

"Good, I don't like interviews much, so here's what we're gonna do: In about half an hour, people are gonna get off work, so there's gonna be some people coming by then, now I want to see how you handle the job and if you can keep up with the orders." Mike told Wheatley.

"Well, I gotta run, I'll come by again in an hour or so, bye." Lucas said.

"Bye!" Both Wheatley and Mike said in unison.

"Okay, here's an apron and a hat-" Mike started.

"I GET A HAT?! YES!" Wheatley yelled, snatching the apron and hat from Mike's hands and putting them on quickly.

Mike chuckled, "Okay, you can go help Dan clean up the kitchen to get ready for later." Mike told him.

"Yes sir!" Wheatley said, walking off to the kitchen.

* * *

><p>Wheatley had never had such fun in his life. Not even testing could compare to the joy of getting to talk to people and put green paper in a metal bin for two hours.<p>

Saying Wheatley was _good_ at his job would be the understatement of the year, he was _wonderful_ at his job.

Of course, it would be physically impossible for him to be any worse at cleaning. Except for mopping, he was good at that.

He was also a decent food-maker, his coffee was to die for.

That night, Mike congratulated Wheatley on getting his new job.

"You did great today, you're hired. You've just gotta come to the back and sign your name on a few documents to register your new job with your ID." Mike told him.

"Sure thing, I'll be there in a minute." Wheatley said, walking over to turn the 'We're OPEN' sign off as per orders.

"Hey, have you got a place to stay? Lucas said you just got here." Mike asked.

"No, I actually haven't really thought about that..." Wheatley said.

"Well, you can stay in the attic, it's got a bed and a private bathroom up there. I never really had any better place to put that bed, but you can use it if you want." Mike offered him.

"That'd be great! Thanks!" Wheatley said, coming over to the backroom with the computer and the documents.

"Okay Wheatley, sign here, put your ID number there, and put your initials there. I'll mail this to the DOWL tomorrow, and here... Are the keys to the attic room. I cleaned it last week so it should be fine." Mike said, then walked back to the front room.

"Thanks again, see you tomorrow!" Wheatley called to him.

"You too, remember to lock up!" Mike called back.

"I will, good night!"

As soon as Mike left, something dawned on him.

He had to _eat_ now.

He how to eat, he'd eaten one of Dan's delicious cookies earlier, and he also knew had to use the restroom, he'd used that too.

But he just now realized that if he didn't do those things he would _die_.

"Bloody hell..." He muttered under his breath as he went upstairs and flopped down onto his new bed.

Tomorrow he'd have to ask Mike what he was supposed to eat.

* * *

><p><strong>A.N.**

**Hello anonymous reader!**

**Wheatley found a job he's good at! Coffee shopping!**

**Next chapter: Chell. And Wheatley apologizing.**

**Thanks for reading and please enjoy!**


	15. Chapter 15

It had been three weeks after Wheatley had gotten his new job.

Why is today more noteworthy than the other days? Because he dropped the last bag of flour (Making it explode) while trying to help Dan make donuts.

And was thus told to go to the grocery store.

Wheatley had never been to a grocery store (to his knowledge) and the only one in town was rather large and was named 'Rose's Grocery'.

As Wheatley walked through the story, having no luck whatsoever finding a little white bag filled with poofy stuff, he found the nearest employee (Who's back was turned to him) and asked them if they knew where the flour was.

"You wouldn't happen to know where the flour is, luv?" He asked the female in the blue uniform with her back turned to him.

"Just a minute, I've got to go get a stool to put this bottle up there-" The female was cut off by Wheatley taking the bottle and putting it on the top shelf. Having a 4 inch height advantage (5'11" Plus longer arms) over the (5'7") female helped.

The female turned to him "Thanks, the flour's right over there, follow me." She said.

But Wheatley stood still in shock.

That face.

The face of the person _he_ tried to blow up, smash, crush, drop into an abyss, and test.

Test.

"Are you okay, sir? You just turned white..." She asked.

"Wha-wha? I'm fine, let's go. Go. Onwards." He said.

"Okay..." She said as she started walking.

Once he got the bag of floor, he thanked her and left.

When Wheatley had locked the cafe he worked at for the night, he happened to take a peak out the window.

And saw Her.

Walking back home.

So Wheatley waited for her to pass, then left the building and silently followed her stealthily.

And if not for the pitch blackness of 9 o'clock, he would have been spotted like a black spot on a white wall.

He followed her into an apartment building and waited for her to go in before going in himself.

And he went in the building just in time to see her walk into room 109.

So he went back home, wrote 109 on a sticky note to be place on his tiny fridge, and then wrote a letter.

Which he then deposited on her welcome rug at her apartment.

* * *

><p>Someone had followed her home.<p>

She didn't mind, they might not have been following her after all.

But she did get her pepper spray out of her purse after she noticed.

The next morning, she had gotten ready for work and noticed a small letter with the word 'Apple' on the front sitting on her welcome rug, so she picked it up and read it.

What it said:

_Dear Lady,_

_Yeh, it's me. The evil ME who tried to crush you and blow you up and smash you to bits, and who punched you into a pit shortly after betraying the only person who had never told me to SHUT UP. Or called me a MORON. Which I am. A bloody moron. Who betrayed his only friend. MORON ME. Not even gonna make excuses because IT'S ALL. MY. FAULT._

_Anyway, I didn't follow you and write this letter just to rant about being a MORON. Which I AM. I wrote it to say this: I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything I did and everything I tried to do. I should have just let you put her back in charge when I had the chance. I'm so very sorry. And I don't deserve any forgiveness therefore I don't expect you to forgive me (And if you do you might be a BIT off your rocker, just sayin') I just wanted you to know how sorry I am. I wish I could take it all back, I honestly, truly wish that I could take it all back to before I tried to kill you, or betrayed you. Or went all 'powermad-bastard' on you. I do. That's what I would wish if I only got one bloody wish. That I could take it all back._

_Anyway, that's enough from me, I hope you enjoy your life. And your freedom. (I certainly do) And your job._

_Sincerely__,_

_Wheatley. The MORON._

Wait.

Was, was that man who asked her for the flour, him?

No.

But no one else in this town has a British accent.

Maybe.

Maybe it was him.

How, she didn't know.

* * *

><p><strong>A.N.**

**Hello anonymous reader!**

**How many of you anonymous readers hate me now? Ten? Twelve?**

**Thanks for reading and please enjoy!**


	16. Chapter 16

**Just to clear something up:**

**The Combine have been exterminated. Wiped. Gone. Years ago. Never comin' back.**

**Why? Because I have not, nor will for a few years (Once I get over my phobia of horror/gore games) played Half-life or Half-life 2.**

**But the world hasn't returned to glory yet, although there are a lot more security or safety measures like the Standard Citizen ID.**

**Oh, and I don't own Google, Google just happens to be my favorite search engine/email service.**

**And if Sunnyside Apartment Complex happens to be copyrighted: I don't own that either.**

* * *

><p>It had never received such <em>strange<em> instructions or schematics in all of its existence.

The Prototype had always been loyal to its master, and had never once thought of not doing as it was told.

Still though, why the Central Core would want an 'Aperture Science Indistinguishable Human Employee Recollector" was beyond him.

* * *

><p>Google was <em>awesome<em>._  
><em>

According to the webpage Wheatley was looking at on his give-away computer Mike gave him when he got a new accounting computer, Google had just been rebuilt a few years ago. As was most of the internet.

But all he had to do to find what he wanted was type into a search box and Google would find it for him!

He loved it!

Wheatley had been feeling rather good since he had given The Lady an apology letter, and the cloud guilt he had when he used to think about her had gotten thinner.

He was still sure to stay _far_ away from her though, he didn't want her to find out who he was.

So Wheatley had decided that he would spend his wallet full of green bills on a present for her! Who needs _silly repeated apologies_ when you could give the person you were repeating your apology to a present?

It's Brilliant!

Wheatley had decided that he was going to give her a present, but he didn't want to give her jewelry or anything, that's just to _cliche_.

So he bought her a crate of apples.

The nice, red, juicy apples that everyone loves because they're _so delicious!_

Wheatley decided that he didn't want to buy apples at Roses's Grocery because The Lady might see her and then his master plan would be ruined and his cover would be blown!

And he'd have to eat a whole crate of apples.

So he went to The Internet and ordered a large crate of apples to be delivered to Apartment #109 on Wallace Street in the Sunnyside Apartment Complex.

The Lady would love his present!

* * *

><p>Chell had never been so surprisedshocked/dumbfounded before in her life.

Someone had sent her a crate filled with 400 Gala Apples.

Her thoughts went something like this:

_"I need to get to work early tod-The hell is this?"_

That day, she was late to work.

* * *

><p>Wheatley had watched her open her door and look at the giant crate of apples he had sent her.<p>

Her face was priceless.

He had found the best gift ever.

* * *

><p>After Chell dragged the crate of apples inside her apartment, her first thoughts were about what she was going to do with <em>400 apples<em>.

Nevermind, she would have to figure that out _after_ her shift at Rose's Grocery ended.

When she got there, one of her few friends (Layla Madison) asked how she was doing.

"Hey, Chell! How are you doing?" Layla asked her, walking by.

"Fine, except that someone sent me _400 apples_ today." She told her.

Layla instantly stopped walking and turned around "_HOW_ many apples?" She asked.

"400" Chell replied matter-of-factly.

"My lord... What are you going to do with them all?" She asked, an amused smile on her face.

"I don't know, that's what I was going to ask you." She told her.

"Why do you think I would have an idea?" Layla asked her.

"I don;t know... We'll talk again later, I have to go restock the milk." Chell said.

"'Kay" Layla said, after Chell walked off.

400 Gala Apples. What in the name of all things good and sweet was she supposed to do with 400 apples?

* * *

><p><strong>A.N.**

**Hello anonymous reader!**

**I was bored. And I had my laptop. And I had nothing to do. Don't you dare look at me in that tone of voice.**

**Filler for useless plots! Yay!**

**Thanks for reading and please enjoy!**


	17. Chapter 17

**PARTIALLY REQUIRED CLARIFICATION - Mayview is the name of the town.**

* * *

><p>In the name of all things good and sweet, Chell had found what she was going to do with 400 Gala Apples.<p>

"You can't be serious." Layal said, sitting next to chell on a bench in the Break Room.

"I am." Chell told her.

"Do you even know who sent you that many apples?"

"No..." Chell said unsurely.

She had an idea of who sent her the apples but she didn't know HOW he could send the apples as a sphere in space with no hands.

Or was he?

* * *

><p><strong>The next day (A Sunday)<strong>

Wheatley decided that he wanted to go shopping to get some 'ice cream' that everyone he asked said that he would love.

Bloody telepathics.

However, as Wheatley walked his way over to the store, he noticed a big sign that said something about a cooking contest.

As he walked into the store, he noticed that some of the shelving units had been moved out of the way to make room for 12 small tables, 7 of them occupied.

"ANYONE WHO WANTS TO PARTICIPATE IN THE MAYVIEW FIRST-ANNUAL APPLE COOKING CONTEST: GET TO A TABLE" A female voice spoke over the PA system.

A cooking contest? He might want to try that...

"ANYONE INTERESTED IN THE RULES OF THE CONTEST CAN FIND THE RULE BOARD NEXT TO THE JUDGES' TABLE." The mysterious person said.

So Wheatley did.

RULES:

-All entries must contain an apple/apple product/apple flavor/artificial apple IN SOME FORM.

-Participants are not allowed to bring recipe books.

-Participants are not allowed to use other people's recipes.

-Participants must ALWAYS wear sanitary gloves, hats, and aprons.

-Participants must STAY at their table.

-Ingredients may be gathered from the Ingredient Stash on either side of the Judges' Table and/or be gathered from anywhere in the store. Ingredients gathered from the Ingredient Stash or the store may be use for free, HOWEVER, they may only be used inside of 'Rose's Grocery.'

A smile slowly crept onto Wheatley's face as he read the rules.

He could do this.

* * *

><p>Layla thought Chell was insane.<p>

Chell was grateful the manager allowed the contest without much fuss, the manager even ended up in favor of it. So it wasn't that hard to convince the owner.

And both of them, plus the manager, were the judges. (This also meant that the only open checkouts were the Self-Checkouts)

No one in Mayview had heard of this much excitement in one place since the announcement that the last of the Combine had been slaughtered.

* * *

><p>"EVERYONE IN THE CONTEST MAY TAKE THE NEXT TWENTY MINUTES TO GATHER THEIR INGREDIENTS. PLEASE NOTE THAT ALL PARTICIPANTS ARE ALLOWED TO GATHER INGREDIENTS WHILE COOKING, BUT IT IS RECOMMENDED TO GATHER THEM NOW."<p>

Wheatley knew exactly what he was going to make.

When Wheatley was 'interviewing' for his job, Dan had made him try his hand at cooking and he had discovered that he was wonderful at making a few things, while horrible at making most other things.

The things he could make were:

-Donuts

-Coffee

-Pancakes

-Cakes

-Cupcakes

-Sandwiches

This was pretty much the extent of his cooking abilities.

After he had gathered all of his ingredients, he set up his table and put on his gloves, hat, and apron.

"STAAART COOKING!" Yelled the Mysterious Person on the PA.

And so he started cooking.

He chose to make Apple Cinnamon Lemon Peach Strawberry Cupcakes with Cream Cheese and Fudge Frosting.

That is what he named his glorious monstrosity.

He was number 12, so there were 11 people in front of him that he had to wait for to be judged before he himself was judged.

During that time, he went and bought some ice cream.

By the time he came back, it was his turn to be judged.

"What is your name?" The Lady, who he hadn't noticed until now, asked him.

And he turned into a stuttering mess "Uhh, I-Well, Uhm-IT's M-M-Millard uh-hu"

The Lady looked at him with an inquisitive look before Layla said " Well, uhh, Millard, What's your number, and what have you made?"

Recollecting his dignity, Wheatley said "Um, well, my number is 12, and the name, It's uh, well, it's a bit of a mouthful, really, so, uhm, can I just give you the title card..?"

"Sure." The manager said.

"Well, here..." Wheatley said, handing them the title card.

"Apple cinnamon lemon peach strawberry cupcakes with cream cheese and fudge frosting? How did you even have time to make something as complicated as that?" Layla asked.

"Oh, uhm, it wasn't really that hard" He chuckled nervously "Just did what I do to make cupcakes, simple, really." He said.

"Well, how about we taste them?" The Lady said.

"Oh! Okay! uhh..." He said, handing each of them a cupcake on a small plate.

Each one of them took a bite at the same time.

And the look on their faces was a mixture of delight and surprise.

"That... Is good." The Lady said.

"Good? It's great! It tastes like the most delicious apple cupcake ever with a hint of a fruit cocktail, it's delicious!" Layla said.

"I agree." Said the manager.

"THE JUDGES WILL TAKE TEN MINUTES TO DECIDE WHO THE WINNER WILL BE" Layla spoke into a microphone.

"You can go back to your table now." The manager said.

"Oh! Yeah, right.." Wheatley said, as he walked back to his table.

Ten minutes of doing nothing later, the Layla spoke over the PA again.

"THE JUDGES HAVE DECIDED WHO THE WINNER IS, PLEASE COME FORWARD TO THE JUDGES' TABLE"

Everyone walked back over to the Judges' Table.

"DRUMROLL, PLEASE." The PA said again, as a drumroll started to play "THE WINNER IS... NUMBER 4! AND HIS DELICIOUS APPLE CREPES WITH CINNAMON SUGAR TOPPING" Layla spoke over the PA again, as there was an uproar of clapping and cheering.

"AND SECOND PLACE GOES TO... NUMBER 9! AND HER WONDERFUL APPLE ICE CREAM WITH APPLE FLUFF" There was another uproar of clapping and cheering.

"AND THIRD PLACE GOES TO... NUMBER 12! AND HIS MAGNIFICENT APPLE/FRUIT COCKTAIL CUPCAKES WITH CREAM CHEESE AND FUDGE FROSTING" Even more clapping and cheering as everyone looked at him.

"ALL WINNERS CAN CLAIM THEIR PRIZE AT THE CUSTOMER SERVICE DESK" Layla said over the PA.

Wheatley was shocked.

He won.

Well, third place. But still, he had never come even close to winning anything before in his life.

He almost fainted when he found out his prize was a tub of Neapolitan Ice Cream.

* * *

><p><strong>A.N.**

**Hello anonymous reader!**

**Huh? How about that? Didn't expect that, did you?**

**Thanks for reading and please enjoy!**


	18. Chapter 18

Her plan was about to be put into motion.

She would soon have her Friend again, and he would be her Friend, and he would love her.

And he would never leave again.

* * *

><p>Ice cream, was <em>good<em>.

If Wheatley had to pick one item to have to live on for the rest of his life, he would pick strawberry ice cream.

But he wouldn't do that, Mike said that if he didn't eat everything on his Food Pyramid he would get sick.

And he didn't want to be sick.

So Wheatley's diet consisted mainly of sandwiches, milk, ice cream, and brussel sprouts.

He loved brussel sprouts almost as much as he loved ice cream.

Especially if they're cooked in butter.

One day, after about eight weeks of freedom, The Lady came into the coffee shop to order a coffee.

"How can I help you, mis..." Wheatley dropped his train of thought mid-sentence as she came up to the counter.

"Um, I'd like a french vanilla coffee with extra whipped cream and sugar, please." She said.

"U-uh-O-ok-kay" He stammered, ringing her up absentmindedly.

"Are you okay? You don't look so well..." She said.

"Me? Pff! No! I'm fine, no troubles here with little ol' Wheatley-" Wheatley looked at her with shock at what he had hopefully not revealed.

"What did you say?" She asked, looking suspicious, surprised, and definitely like she had heard him.

"Nothing, nothing, It'll be a minute for your coffee, ma'am, I'll need $3.48." He said, trying his best to keep an 'I'm not really interested though I am perfectly calm' attitude.

"Here..." She said, holding out a five dollar bill.

"Oh, thank you... Here is your change."

A few minutes later, he handed her her coffee.

"Th-there you go... Have a nice day." He told her.

At which point she walked out of the cafe.

* * *

><p>That night, when Wheatley took the trash out to the dumpster behind the store, and went upstairs to his miniature apartment thing.<p>

He then sat at his computer, looked up how to stay calm in stressful situations, while eating a bowl of strawberry ice cream.

**CREAK**

Until he heard the apartment's door open.

"Hello? Mike? Is that you? Dan? Hello?" He called. To which he got no reply.

He really should remember to lock his door.

So he did what the sites said: He took a deep breath, and faced it head first.

Well, he took the deep breath, but he tiptoed into the hallway outside his bedroom so quietly not even a single footstep was heard from him, allowing him to peak past the wall and see who was there.

A silhouette, what appeared to be a female silhouette stood in the entryway just past the entryway door.

So he carefully walked over and flipped on the light switch to see who it was.

As his thoughts came to a rearing halt, the illogical part of his mind was screaming _'FAAAAAAAAAKE!'_ at him, while the logical part was screaming _'THAT'S THE LADY, YOU STUPID IDIOTIC MORON. RUN FOR IT WHILE YOU STILL CAN!'_

If only he hadn't just stood there in terror.

The only things his mind could process for those few moments was what she did.

First, she slapped him harder than Wheatley thought possible.

Then, she did a mixture between a hug and a passionate kiss because she couldn't decide which to actually do.

As soon as the shock wore off of Wheatley and his brain caught all of his thoughts and put them back in their cage, he yelled "WHAT THE BLOODY HELL WAS THAT FOR?! ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME?!"

Before she could say a word, he had pushed her out and bolted the door lock.

"bloody bacteria" He mumbled.

* * *

><p>Chell sat on the floor, leaning against the door of Wheatley's apartment.<p>

Why exactly did he yell at her like that?

She waited about an hour before she got too tired and went home.

* * *

><p><strong>A.N.**

**Hello anonymous reader!**

**Before you peeps yell at me for Wheatley throwing her out, I have a question to ask you:**

**Has Wheatley ever experienced a kiss before?**

**See, my version of Wheatley has all of the subconscious instincts and muscle memory as when he was first a human.**

**But he has absolutely no idea how he knows those things, because all of his memories as a human was wiped.**

**Wheatley doesn't know that a kiss is an affectionate gesture, all he knows is that he exchanged a bodily fluid (Which all of the scientists said contain unique bacteria) with a woman that he tried to murder and could very well be deathly ill.**

**Thanks for reading and please enjoy!**


	19. Chapter 19

**WARNING: This chapter contains Creepy Stalker Chell. If you are easily creeped out by Creepy Stalkers, turn back. You have been warned.**

**Be afraid. Be very, very afraid.**

**Any of you peeps who aren't total Chelley fanpeeps should read this message (No offense to the Chelley fanpeeps, btw):**

**You probably think that Chell having a crush on Wheatley is unrealistic, well I did some research, and it isn't actually all that farfetched.**

**See, humans are social creatures, that's just how we are, and our minds crave social interaction. (And complete patterns, and the glory of achievement, and data, etcetera etcetera.)**

**Now Chell, being treated like an object for most of her life, got very little social interaction and kindness and all around compassion. So when she met Wheatley, her mind would most likely latch onto him as a friend of sorts because it had been depraved of any form of interaction or kindness for so long.**

**So Chell would most likely think of Wheatley as a friend (at the very least) or she might develop a crush or even a fixation on him.**

**Plus the fact that my incarnation of Chell has only a few friends and lives a lonely life, in this story she HAS developed a fixation on him.**

* * *

><p>Why the bloody hell would Chell try to make him ill? (To be honest, he did deserve that slap) He already apologized!<p>

And he gave her a crate of apples.

If someone had tried to kill him (but failed) and apologized, he would still be right ticked off, he would, but he wouldn't try to give said person diseases!

_Well, maybe if_-No, stop it Psychotic Me, I don't need any of your ideas.

He decided to make sure to avoid her as much as possible. (And lock his door. Seriously, this could have been prevented if he had.)

Unfortunately, she started coming in every day.

After about two weeks, he noticed that she would always look at him in that weird, creepy way.

Every time, she would order a french vanilla coffee with extra sugar and whipped cream.

So. Damn. Creepy.

He failed to notice, however, that every day a person with a generic looking face and generic looking clothes with generic looking sunglasses would sat at the same table near the window, watching him. But he was so generic, however, that Wheatley, nor anyone else, would every notice him without him drawing attention to his generic self.

* * *

><p>One day, three weeks after The Lady had found out who he was, he was taking the garbage to the dumpster behind the building before locking up, when he noticed that The Lady was standing a few feet behind him when he turned around.<p>

"AHH! Oh, it's you. Bloody hell, why'd you creep up on me like that?" He asked her.

She didn't respond. She did, however take a step forward.

"Okay, uhh, I know you're not, um, mute. Talked to me today, in fact, so... Could you tell me, at all, what you're doing?" He let out a few nervous chuckles.

Step.

"Okay, I'll be honest: You're really creeping me out now, so, can I just... Go...?"

Step.

"Cards on the table: You are being really freaky, right now, so, could you just... Move over there, one step to the left? And all?" Another nervous chuckle escape his lips.

Step.

"Okay, didn't want to do this, but, you leave me no choice. So..." He tried to push her aside and make a run for it.

But she stopped him, grabbing his waist.

"Help?" He said, shocked, horrified, terrified, and meekly.

She whispered "You're mine." and passionately kissed him.

Wheatley, filled with mind-numbing terror, could do nothing but wait until she pulled away.

Then he pushed her aside with all of his strength and broke into a run for the door, all the while screaming at the top of his lungs.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

He slammed into the door and locked it as quickly as possible, then he ran to the front and bolted that door, then he ran up the stairs into his room and bolted THAT door.

Then he pushed himself into the corner of his bedroom and curled up into the fetal position while sobbing quietly.

* * *

><p>GLaDOS stewed over what she had just seen.<p>

She had seen it all.

Her Friend had been attacked by a madwoman. She didn't like that.

Not.

One.

Bit.

* * *

><p><strong>Hello anonymous reader!<strong>

**Any and all valid criticism and just plain ol' feedback is greatly appreciated!_  
><em>**

**Seriously , I don't know what you peeps think of my story without criticism and feedback.**

**I'm changing the category, it will now be Adventure/Horror.**

**Creepy Stalker Chell is creepy. And a stalker.**

**Thanks for reading and please enjoy!**


	20. Chapter 20

Wheatley was HERS.

No one else could have him.

All hers.

Soon he would love her like she loved him.

* * *

><p>The first thing Wheatley noticed upon waking up was that he was still on the floor in the fetal position and that his back hurt.<p>

The next thing Wheatley noticed was that he was not in his apartment's bedroom anymore. He was in someone else's. One with a with a window.

"Hello? Is anyone there?" He called.

No one answered. He could however, hear footsteps.

"N-no, not this again. Not this again. This isn't happening." He mumbled.

The footsteps were coming closer.

In order to avoid being attacked yet again, he braced himself against the door with all his weight.

And by the time he realized it was the closet door he was bracing, it was too late.

The door slowly creaked open as a figure emerged.

Damnit. Why'd this have to happen to him?

"H-h-hello!" He tried to fake cheerfulness, but failed miserably.

She smiled. A dark, evil smile as she closed the door.

"Um, not sure about you, but it IS a thursday, today, and I DO need to go to work, today. Uhh..."

"You're mine." She whispered.

"WHA-NO! Nononononono! I am not yours! I'm mine! You can't have me!" He yelled frantically pushing himself as far as he could away from her, hoping he would shift through the wall.

"You're mine." She repeated, much more declaratively.

"NO! I have had enough possessiveness for the duration of my life! _SHE _was bad enough!"

"No one else can have you." She said. Slowly taking a step forward.

"N-now let's not get hasty! How about I make you a deal, you let me go, and I'll get out of your hair. Alright? How's about it?"

"I love you." She said. Taking another step.

He felt like retching "WHAT?! NO! GET AWAY FROM ME YOU MADWOMAN!" He yelled frantically.

"Do you love me?" She asked.

"NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! THIS ISN'T REAL! IT'S JUST A BAD DREAM!"

"Love me!" She said. Pouncing on him.

"GET OFF OF ME! THIS ISN'T HOW YOU MAKE SOMEONE LOVE YOU YOU CRAZY FEMALE LUNATIC!" Wheatley yelled, eyes wide with horror.

"NO! YOU'RE MINE!" She screeched, kissing him horrifically for the THIRD time.

Seriously, she needs some new material.

Gathering up as much strength as he could, Wheatley threw her off of him and used the first escape rout he could come up with.

By jumping out the window.

A pound of broken glass and a bruised leg later, Wheatley started running to the safest place he could think of as fast as he could.

The police department.

Looking back, he could see the Crazy Lady following him, which just gave him an incentive to run faster.

When he got there he ran into the back room screaming. "HELP! HELP! I NEED HELP! THERE'S A CRAZY LADY FOLLOWING MEEEEEEE!"

Lucas, shocked by Wheatley's sudden entrance, came up to him and tried to calm him down "Hey, hey, calm down. Wait, what do you mean a 'crazy lady'?"

At this opportune moment, Chell came in mumbling "He's mine. All mine. No one else can have him." over and over.

"THAT'S HER! Please keep her away from me!" He yelled.

Lucas, thinking Wheatley might be over reacting, went up to Chell, "Oh hey, Chell, how are you?"

She grabbed his shoulders and shook him, screaming "HE'S MINE! WHERE IS HE?!"

"WHOA! Calm down!" He said.

"NO! GIVE HIM TO ME! HE'S MINE! YOU CAN'T HAVE HIM!"

"Okaaay..." He said, a bit frightened himself, and put her in handcuffs and pulled her into the Questioning Room and locked the door.

"KEEP HER AWAY FROM MEEE!" Wheatley yelled while shivering in the fetal position in the corner of the room.

"I will! What did she do?" He asked Wheatley.

"She-she attacked me in the back of the cafe and put her lips on mine and then she kidnapped me and took me to her apartment and tackled me and yelled at me and I had to escape and she followed me and-and..." He said, not pausing once to take a breath.

"Whoa, she actually did all that? She seems pretty obsessed with you, it'll probably be best to admit her to a mental hospital." He said.

"I don't care what you do with her! Just keep her away from me!" Wheatley said.

"Are you alright? You're shivering quite a bit." Lucas asked him.

"I-I'm fine. Just need to rest for a bit." Wheatley said.

They both turned to look at the window The Crazy Lady was pounding on screaming "GIVE HIM BACK! HE'S MINE!".

Good thing the room was sound proofed.

* * *

><p><strong>A.N.**

**Hello anonymous reader!**

**Any and all valid criticism or feedback is greatly appreciated!**

**WOO! 20 Chapters and 15k words! Time to cut the cake!**

**My three main characters:**

**Insane Childish GLaDOS.**

**Insane Chell Obsessed With Wheatley.**

**Wheatley.**

**Thanks for reading and please enjoy!**


	21. Chapter 21

_He was running._

_He had no idea what he was running from, only that he was absolutely blood chillingly terrified._

_He looked back to see what he was running-Oh, that's what he was running from._

_Nothing he had ever seen before had chilled him the way seeing HER chasing him with that sheer look of determination in her eyes._

_He started to hyperventilate._

_And he screamed._

* * *

><p>He had always been afraid of being chased, he used to have panic attacks as a child whenever he felt followed or chased.<p>

He would start to hyperventilate, then he would start to panic, then he would start screaming, then he would start crying, then he would feel dizzy, then he would go crazy.

He had only ever gone crazy once as a child.

He had been playing on the playground in the back of his school, until the bully who would always pick on him for being 'short' and having glasses started chasing him.

But he didn't stop.

He had been chased for ten minutes by that kid, but then he suddenly stopped and turned around.

The pure look of insane in his eyes had terrified that kid deeply.

He didn't know what he was doing. He just knew he had to make his chaser stop chasing him.

So he attacked the kid.

It took three teachers to hold him down and eventually had to knock him out because he wouldn't stop attacking that poor boy.

By the time the teachers got him to stop, the boy had four broken bones and bruises all over his body.

He didn't remember anything the next day.

But Wheatley didn't know any of this, all of his human memories were still in his original body's mind, he would never find out that he had such a problem.

Or maybe he would.

* * *

><p>Wheatley shot up in his bead, screaming all the while.<p>

Even in his dreams he couldn't escape that madwoman.

The clock on the wall said it was 6:18, so he didn't need to be in the cafe for about 42 minutes.

He changed from his pajamas into one of his nine identical sets of containing 1 blue shirt, a pair of blue pants, some black socks, a blue hat (which he wouldn't put on until later) and his only pair of brown loafers.

He went into his tiny kitchen and made himself a few piece of toast, which he applied a hefty amount of his favorite blueberry jam to, and then he decided he would take a walk to the wheat field he walked through bordering on the edge of town.

It didn't take too long to walk there, it was only about four blocks from his home, but he liked watching the wheat sway in the cool breeze, everything very peaceful.

Wait, what was that noise?

He looked back in the direction he came, and saw his living nightmare.

Her.

In orange.

Running at him.

He pinched himself, just to make sure he wasn't dreaming.

Ow.

Then he did the first thing that came to mind:

Run away in the opposite direction screaming.

What he was to scared out of his wits to notice, however, was that he was running into the wheat field.

**-3 hours later-**

How the hell were his legs still attached?

They hurt as if they were broken, but he refused to stop running at to speed because the madwoman was following him.

He was starting to get a bit dizzy.

He took a moment to register his surroundings.

'Wait, is that what I think it is?' He thought, as he noticed a small electrical shed getting larger and larger.

During the two minutes it took him to get to the shed, he had been arguing inwardly over whether or not to enter.

Option 1: Bang on the door, hope GLaDOS will respond, then be safe from the crazy lady.

Option 2: Stop running, and then try to bargain with the madwoman to let him get on with his life.

He chose option 1.

Fortunately for him though, he didn't have to bang on the door because he was a registered employee and the RFID tag in his left wrist made the door open.

As he stopped and turned around in the elevator, he caught a glimpse of just how close he was to getting caught.

Just as the door closed, the madwoman slammed into it and started beating the door like a drum, screaming "COME BACK! YOU'RE MINE!"

He slumped against the elevator and sighed in relief.

When the elevator stopped, he heard a delighted gasp _"You came back!"_ GLaDOS said in delight.

Maybe he should have taken his chances with the madwoman.

* * *

><p><strong>A.N.**

**Hello anonymous reader!**

**I bet you're thinking 'Come on, why didn't Wheatley run to the police station again?!" Well, dear reader, I have a question for you:**

**When have you ever made a good decision while under intense stress and fear and if you don't do something quickly you will DIE?**

**That is what he felt like.**

**Thanks for reading and please enjoy!**


	22. Chapter 22

The next thing Wheatley knew was that he was pressed uncomfortably close into GLaDOS's core.

Wait... Was she trying to hug him?

_"I missed you."_ She said, using her maintanence arms to hold him close to her.

_"But now you're here, with me, and we can be friends forever!"_ She said, and she sounded so delighted that Wheatley didn't have the heart to say anything.

_"I've been thinking of games we can play, and I've invented a few new ones!"_ She told him, before letting him go and gesturing towards a panel being used as a table with a small box on it.

No.

No. No. No.

No no no no no no no no no no.

NO!

Of all the games, why that one?

WHY?!

WHY THE HELL DID SHE CHOOSE THE ONE GAME THAT HE FELT TERRIFIED OF FOR NO REASON?!

There, on the makeshift table, sat Pickup Sticks.

He didn't even know why he was so afraid, he had no memories of ever SEEING the game, much less playing it.

"Um, can we play some other game? I don't like that one." He said, trying to be as nonchalant as possible.

_"But I want to play THAT game. I even made a special claw to play it with! See?"_ She said, while waving and flexing a small pincer about the size of his hand at him in a wave.

"Are, are you sure? Because I really DON'T want to play that game, and, um, why don't we play cards! You can use your special new claw for that too!"

_"We are going to play THAT game, and that is FINAL."_ She said, raising her voice and saying it in a way that could most accurately be described as 'pouty'.

"O-okay. B-but, I MIGHT need a chair, to sit down in, so I don't have to stand... Not that I'm saying you didn't plan properly! I mean, um, that is to say-"

_"Just sit down already! I want to play right NOW!"_ She said, sounding very impatient.

"OKAY! OKAY! Sitting. Down. Right now." He said, sliding down into the chair.

_"Okay, to play, you have to try to pick up one stick from the pile without moving any others, if you move any others than the one you're trying to take, it's my turn."_

"Okay, think I got it, so I'll just move this one... HA! I got it! IN YOUR-Oh, no, no I did not get it."

_"My turn!"_ She said, while giggling at him.

She got four sticks before accidentally bumping another one and it became Wheatley's turn again.

"HA! Look at you, all 'I just got four sticks in one turn' and you BUMPED ONE! HA HA! Okay... Hmm... If I get that one... There, then I can get that one over there and..." He got three sticks, then he knocked one off the pile by accident.

_'Mr. Wheatley, why is your shirt all brown?'_

"Just spilled some coffee is all, don't worry about it..." He said,

_"When did you spill coffee? Your shirt isn't brown, neither are your pants or shoes... Wait, What's 'coffee'?"_ GLaDOS said.

"Huh? Didn't you just ask me why my shirt is..." Wheatley said, before looking down and noticing that he HADN'T spilled coffee on his shirt.

_"No, I didn't. I think I would remember asking you why your shirt is covered in coffee. Even though it is not. What is coffee? Take your turn already!"_ GLaDOS said, sounding annoyed.

Wheatley, still looking a bit dazed, did not respond to what she said.

_"Hello? Why aren't you talking? Did I say something wrong? Are you going to answer me?"_ GLaDOS asked while poking him with her Mini Claw.

"Wha-Where-Who?" He said, shaking his head and looking around.

_"I asked if you were going to answer me, you are in the Aperture Science Main Facility in the Central Core Chamber, I am... I don't know who I am. Now that I've answered your questions, you have to answer mine."_

"What were your questions?" He asked, sounding confused.

GLaDOS made an annoyed electronic garble _"I asked 'Why aren't you talking? Did I say something wrong? Are you going to answer me?' Answer them. Now."_

"Um, Because I felt the weirdest sense of deja vu, no, yes." He said.

_"Thank you. Now take your turn, I'm getting bored."_

"Alright."

The game continued for the next half hour.

"HAHA! IN YOUR FACE! Or, core, or whatever. I WON! WOO! YEAH!" Wheatley shouted.

_"Alright. You won. I get it."_ GLaDOS said, before a tinny horn tooted and confetti dropped on his head.

"Well, look at the time. I have to go, could you call the elevator back down here, please?" He said, looking at a small set of numbers on her chassis.

_"No. You can stay here. I made a room just for you and we can play again in the morning! Doesn't that sound great?"_ She said, sounding pleased with herself.

"No, I really do have to go to the surface, I have something I need to do..." He said, trying to convince her.

_"You just came back. You can't leave yet."_ She said, sounding like she hated the thought of him being gone.

"Why not?" He said, sounding indignant. "I just came for a quick visit and I can't stay. I have to go."

_"Why? What's so important up there?"_ She said, sounding jealous.

"I have a job. And an apartment. I have to go back there. ("Plus I don't want to be stuck with you" He mumbled inaudibly)" He said.

_"You can have a job here. And I already made you a room so you don't need an apartment."_ She told him.

"I don't want to have a job here. Or an apartment here. I want to have them up there." He said, pointing his finger upwards.

_"But I'm down here. So you have to stay down here so you can be my friend."_ She said, with a little bit of worry creeping into her voice.

At that, she picked him up with a claw and deposited him into his modified Relaxation Chamber.

With a little hiddem camera in it so she could watch him sleep.

* * *

><p><strong>A.N.**

**YAY! A new chapter I wrote yesterday because I'm LAAAAAZY!**

**Just a little bit of clarification:**

**Wheatley is [31] years old.**

**Chell is [32] years old.**

**Thanks for reading and please enjoy!**

**P.S: Thank you Guest, I have updated that chapter.**


	23. Chapter 23

**To prevent confusage, I will now explain a little something about the human brain, if you like confusage, ignore this and read the actual chapter:**

**The human brain does not store memories as a memory 'file' per say, instead, it puts a small date tag on all of the unparsed raw sensory data from that time and stores it in some neuron somewhere. **

**This means that every time you recall a memory, you are pretending that that time is this time and your brain finds the sensory data with the right tag, then it rebuilds the 'experience' that you recall as memory the way it builds the 'experience' from the current sensory data from your senses.**

**This also means that every time you remember something it will be ever so slightly different than what it actually was.**

**With patients who have lost all of their memory, something will occasionally trigger some leftover data in some random neuron and they will remember a small snippet of the memory they lost. Like a sound, a picture, a feeling, pain. All of those could be accidentally stuffed into the 'current' sensory data and you would have no idea that what is happening is actually a memory.**

**When you forget something, there will always be a little bit of leftover data that might accidentally be triggered by something else, similar to the way a hard disk fragments so if you delete something on it, because the data is all over the drive, something will be left over and NOT be deleted.**

**What happens with Wheatley's weird dream is that his subconscious found some of this 'meaningless', extra data and was going through it while he slept, instead of going through the other memories. Sort of like a system check.**

**I hope that makes sense, if not, then you can PM me and I will try to explain it better.**

* * *

><p>"...Reports are that this woman escaped police custody and is currently in hiding..."<p>

What?

"...Be back after these-Do you have problems carrying things? Too many things to hold on your way to work? Well here's the solution: The Aperture Science Weighted Storage cube!..."

Wheatley sat up in his bed, and then noticed that the TV on ceiling was the source of the voices.

He had had the strangest dream. Ever. If it could be called a 'dream', it would be by the loosest stretch of the definition possible. And it made his head spin just thinking about the disorganised mess he had experience while unconscious.

It was just a collection of sounds, images, and feelings, seemingly out of order.

But they weren't.

At first, he could here himself talking to someone else, but all he could see was darkness.

Then, someone else was talking to him, the voice sounded very familiar, but that's all he could hear, a voice, no words.

Then, he saw what looked like a game board, with a claw next to it.

Then, he heard screaming. Everywhere.

Then pain.

Nothing but horrible, horrible pain.

The end.

_"Oh! You're awake! Finally. You sleep for a long time, don't you? I reboot once a night but it never takes THAT long." _She sounded relieved and happy.

Wheatley opened his mouth to talk, but was cut off by GLaDOS.

_"We're going to have lots of fun today! I found a LOT of games we can play!" _She said, as he heard the room's quantum entanglement reactor start.

Noticing the room was starting to shake, and realising what this meant, he quickly got up and charged the metal door.

And it would have hurt, too, if not for the fact that the hinges were so rusty a mouse could push the door out of its frame.

He landed safely onto the floor of the docking station the room was currently docked in.

_"Where did you go? Did you fall? ARE YOU HURT?!" _GLaDOS said, her voice sounding panicked and distressed.

Ignoring her for the moment, he walked over to the multi lift, and went to the only place he knew he had some sort of twisted authority over.

Division 7.

He always felt drawn to it, for reasons beyond him, it always felt... Right. Just to press that button and walk to his lab and open his terminal.

So right, in fact, the he almost didn't notice the elevator shaft in the middle of the room during his lapse of deja vu.

But when he DID notice it, man alive, he could jump for joy.

Why he came BACK to Aperture in the first place was beyond him.

He ran over to the elevator and checked the build log, realizing he should probably make sure it was safe.

_##NANOBOT DIVISION 3 BUILD LOG##_

_FOREMAN: ID/1587BH9 ALIAS: JERRY_

_LOG:_

_THIS POSITION WAS CHOSEN DUE TO THE EASE OF DIGGING IN THE TOP MOST LAYERS, THE 'DIRT' WAS VERY FLUFFY AND FLAT._

_THIS ELEVATOR HAS BEEN TESTED AND DEEMED SAFE BY THE TESTING COMMITTEE._

_PLEASE USE WISELY. AND DO NOT BREAK_

_##END OF LOG##_

Wheatley got into the empty elevator after reading the log, and used the touchscreen menu to tell the elevator to take him back up to the surface.

He waited for it to move.

And waited.

And waited.

And waited.

And waited a little bit more.

And during his waiting, he eventually looked back at the control panel.

_##ERROR! COULD NOT MOVE! SYSTEM ON LOCKDOWN.##_

Dammit, GLaDOS. Why?

Running back to 'his' lab, he grabbed the portable terminal he left on 'his' desk the last time and stuffed it into his pocket.

He might need it later.

* * *

><p><strong>A.N.**

**Mehr, I think I've done enough, not really sure though.**

**Thanks for reading and please enjoy!**


	24. Chapter 24

Wheatley suddenly noticed something:

He was wearing glasses.

How the hell he hadn't noticed before was beyond the comprehension of such a primitive mind, he did however, start walking more carefully to prevent his glasses from falling off his face.

As he walked, he realised he should probably make a plan.

Step 1: Play with GLaDOS so as to distract her.

Step 2: Find and hit the kill switch behind the 39th panel from the left, starting at the end of the newly refabricated hallway. (If there was one useful thing about being a core who had to stay with scientists, it was hearing where they placed hidden switches and buttons)

Step 3: Leave.

Step 4: Find a way to get The Madwoman in jail.

Yup, perfect plan. Grade A.

When he came to the beginning of the Central Core Chamber hallway, he was feeling very anxious and very, _very_ nervous.

He was so nervous, in fact, that he was hearing voices.

"HE"S MINE! YOU CAN'T HAVE HIM!" He heard someone scream.

Or not.

_"He is MY Friend. And YOU can't have him. You attacked him!"_

"I DID NOT! GIVE HIM BACK! HE LOVES ME!" The Madwoman screamed from her panel cage.

_"HE DOES __NOT__ LOVE YOU! HE __HATES__ YOU!" _He heard GLaDOS say.

Dammit.

"YES HE DOES! AND I LOVE HIM!"

Why. The hell. Does this have to happen. TO HIM?!

_"THERE HE IS! See? He doesn't love YOU. He came to see ME."_ GLaDOS said this as a claw descended from the ceiling, grabbed him, and then pulled him into the Central Core Chamber and hung him five feet in the air like a claw game prize.

"NO! HE LOVES ME!" The Madwoman said, pulling on the panels making up her cage so hard the arms were starting to bend.

"Oh fer god's sake, I DON'T LOVE EITHER OF YOU! WHY CAN'T YOU JUST LEAVE ME ALONE?!" Wheatley yelled, so suddenly infuriated he didn't notice the claw around his waist get tighter.

Both of the females were silent.

"_You are MY friend and SHE cannot have you."_ GLaDOS said, silently glaring raw death at The Madwoman.

"I don't want her!" Wheatley exclaimed.

"NO! SHE CAN'T HAVE YOU! YOU'RE MINE!"

"Okay, first: I DON'T WANT EITHER OF YOU! Second: I'M MINE! I'M NOT BLOODY PROPERTY!" Wheatley yelled.

"NO! YOU LOVE ME!" They both yelled at the same time.

"You're both mental! Mad!" He said, horrified.

The Madwoman, who finally broke free from the weak panels, pounced on GLaDOS screaming "GIVE HIM BACK! HE'S MINE! YOU CAN'T HAVE HIM!"

GLaDOS, in her surprise, dropped Wheatley and used the claw to defend herself from The Madwoman.

Wheatley, seeing his chance, used his pocket terminal to shut off the claw and set up a new box around The Madwoman with two layers of panels.

Wheatley entered something of a trance as he was hacking into the Elevator Mainframe, he didn't really have to do anything as his fingers flew across the device's tiny keyboard.

_"See? He put YOU in a cage. He loves ME enough to do... Whatever you humans do while in a bed together."_

Horrified little Wheatley broke his trance and just stared at GLaDOS as if she just said she hated Testing while he tried to scrub the mental image from his delete-option-lacking mind.

_"What? Isn't that what humans do when they love each other? It says here in the database that when two humans love each other they sleep together in the same bed and then they have children. Although it doesn't say HOW... I was assuming doctors grow them in a laboratory and deliver them to the parents." _GLaDOS said, sounding totally dumbfounded by his face.

"Wha...? NO! NononononononononoNO!" Was all Wheatley was able to get out of his horrified little mind.

The Madwoman, not able to hear a thing in her box, was suddenly released from her cage because Wheatley forgot to reset the Rearrangement Timer on the panels. Taking only a moment to figure out where he was, she grabbed him and was run-dragging him to the now opening elevator.

_"Where are you going? Where is he going...? WHERE ARE YOU TAKING HIM?!" _GLaDOS said.

"He's mine, you can't have him." The Madwoman said.

GLaDOS, powerless to do anything while Wheatley held his pocket terminal, looked on in sadness as the elevator rose up and the two left.

She was alone again.

* * *

><p><strong>A.N.**

**Everyone probably hates me now. Greeeeaaat.**

**Thanks for reading and please enjoy!**


	25. Chapter 25

As The Madwoman dragged Wheatley through the field, Wheatley didn't move at all on his own through the duration of their trip.

He had gone into somewhat of a comatose state as his poor, overworked brain tried to process the things that had happened to catch up with the things that are happening.

His mind snapped back to reality when he heard three people yell "FREEZE!" at the same time.

"No. He's mine. None of you can have him." The Madwoman said to the three police officers standing a few feet away from her.

"HELP!" Wheatley yelled, from his very painful position on the ground with half his body held in the air by The Madwoman who wouldn't let go of his hand.

"Put your hands behind your head and drop the... Man." One of them said.

"NO! He's MINE!" She screeched.

"get your stun guns ready" One of them whispered to the others. To which they both nodded.

"This is your last chance to come peacefully. Put your hands behind your head and drop the man." One of them repeated.

"I will NOT! He belongs to ME! NOT YOU!" She screeched, getting ready to charge them.

"FIRE!" One of them yelled, shooting their taser guns at her, sticking little propes into her flesh before electrocuting her to knock her out.

She didn't even scream while she kept her eyes completely trained on him.

Ignoring that creepiness, two of the three police officer gave a look that could most accurately be described as 'Really? You actually did that?' to the one that yelled 'FIRE!'.

"What? I-I've always wanted to say that. It's sounds better than 'shoot', don't you think?"

"Uhh... A little help? She's, she's got my hand. It's stuck. She won't let go.

She was still looking at him.

The three police officers came over, and using all of their strength, they managed to pry her fingers open enough that he could get his hand out of her iron-gripped hand. The three police officers then lifted her up, put her in their Transport Van, and then drove away to, presumably, the nearest loony bin.

Wheatley knew exactly where he was, and after brushing off the remainder of the dirt on his filthy blue outfit, he started walking back to the cafe.

It wasn't long before he entered, and when he did, Mike greeted him.

"Hey! There you are! Where've you been? You've been gone for a while." He said.

Sighing, Wheatley said "Do you want the short version or the long version?" He said, sounding like he really didn't want to tell him.

"Short" He replied.

"Well, see, this madwoman attacked me in the alley, then I locked up, then, the next thing I know, I'm in her apartment! Then I ran to the police station, and they arrested her, and she must've escaped, because I took a walk yesterday morning and she started charging at me from nowhere! Then we ran into the wheatfield, and she kept chasing me, and we got turned around, and it took all that time to run back! But then she caught me, and using her iron-gripped hands, she wouldn't let me escape! Then, these three, very nice, people in blue and white clothing came up and took her away! And then I came here, and told you this story. The end." Wheatley said, finishing his slightly modified story.

Mike just stared at him. "You should go wash up... Your clothes are filthy.

"Oh! That's a good idea, actually, I will do that." Wheatley said as he started walking towards the stairs in the back.

He spent the next twenty or so minutes showering, putting his clothes in the laundry bin, and just general cleaning.

When he was done, he resumed his job as the cashier in the cafe, and a few nice ladies gave him little white slips of paper with some kind of numerical code on them.

He decided he'd ask Mike what the codes meant later.

As he finished up and washed the serving counter, he noticed a weird truck going by the front door.

Wierd.

Mike had already gone by the time Wheatley finished, so Wheatley just went up to his miniature apartment, not noticing the new holes in his walls.

He put on his pajamas and went to bed, falling asleep much faster than he normally would.

* * *

><p>When he woke up, he started his normal routine, not noticing the gray panels that now comprised the walls because he wasn't really paying attention to that.<p>

He was paying attention to the already-made toast sitting on the counter.

It wasn't until he heard a mechanical CLICK-WHIRR that he looked around and noticed that all of the walls and floors had changed.

A small monitor appeared from behind a wall panel.

_"Do you like it?"_ A weird yellow smiley face entity that appeared on the screen asked him.

Oh no.

* * *

><p><strong>A.N.**

**Will he ever escape GLaDOS? ANSWER: [ REDACTED ]**

**Thanks for reading and please enjoy!**


	26. Chapter 26

Yet again, Wheatley was found speechless.

"I-Y-w-h-whe-whaaaa...?" He sputtered out.

_"I'll take that as a yes."_ The pixelated smiley face said, somehow managing to look satisfied.

"B-But, how did you find me?" Wheatley said, mind reeling to try to figure out what the hell was going on.

_"You took a pocket terminal, it has a GPS locator. Interesting fact: It also had a few nanobots inside of it, so I told them to replicate and rebuild your... Apartment, after I sent a drone on the 'road' to establish a connection." _The smiley face, or GLaDOS, said, sounding very smug.

Wheatley said nothing as he left his apartment, still looking shocked.

Later, as Mike and Dan came in, Wheatley wet over to Mike.

"Um, I need you to come with me, not freak out, and not tell everyone you know about this." Wheatley stated bluntly.

"Uhh... Okay?" He said, sounding very confused.

Wheatley said nothing as he dragged his boss up the stairs and into his apartment.

"What do you want to show me?" He asked.

"Look around! Everythings-You know what? I forgot. You can go back downstairs. I'll be there in a minute." Wheatley suddenly changed what he was saying, noticing that everything was just the way he found it when he first moved in.

"Uh-hu. Sure." Mike said, still very confused.

As soon as Mike left, Wheatley heard a fizzle as everything turned back to what GLaDOS had changed it to.

_"Wow. I did not know that would take so much power."_ GLaDOS said, sounding exhausted while her Smiley Avatar looked fatigued as well.

Wheatley turned around abruptly "What are you doing in my apartment?" He said, pointing his finger at the monitor.

GLaDOS, taken by surprise at his sudden inquisition, answered _"I was lonely. And you're my friend. So I came to visit!"_ She said, sounding very happy and pleased with herself.

"Wh-Ya can't just BARGE IN to someone's home and change everything! It's bloody rude!" He said.

_"I... I didn't know. I can leave if you want..."_ She said, suddenly sounding very sad and shameful.

Wheatley suddenly became very guilty "Y-You can stay." He said.

_"REALLY?! Oh, this is going to be so much fun!"_ She said, suddenly becoming very happy and energetic.

"Fine. Just don't mess anything up." He said.

At that, he went back downstairs and rang people up at his cash register, shortly after he asked Mike what the little slips of paper with a numerical sequences were.

* * *

><p>The next morning, Wheatley woke up and realized that today was a Sunday, which meant that the cafe was closed.<p>

He also realized he was in the mood for ice cream.

After he got out of bed and started his normal routine, he went into the kitchen to make breakfast.

And found that, once again, there was a plate on the counter with two pieces of toast and blueberry jam on top.

The Smiley Avatar Monitor was off.

"GLaDOS?"

The monitor suddenly turned on _"Who's 'Gladys'?"_ GLaDOS asked.

"You. You're GLaDOS." Wheatley said.

_"No. I'm... Well, maybe I am GLaDOS. Is that my name?"_ She asked, with the Smiley Avatar looking at him inquisitively.

"Yes. It's your name. GLaDOS." He said.

_"Oh. Can we play a game?"_ She suddenly asked.

"Um, I guess... What do you have in mind?"

The pixelated smiley face smiled widely as a wall panel opened up and a almost-humanoid-but-not drone thing about 4 and a half feet tall with a monitor/head with the Smiley Avatar displayed on it with treads instead of feet, folded out.

The drone moved back and fourth _"See?"_ She asked.

"Okay..." He said, as the drone disappeared down the hallway and came back with Checkers in its hands.

"Where'd you get that?" He asked.

_"It was in your... 'Closet'"_ GLaDOS said.

He really should clean that closet out, who knows what treasure he might find?

"So... You put the pieces on the 'checkerboard', aaand... Then, you try to jump over the other pieces? Why'd you do that? I wouldn't like it, if, say, someone suddenly jumped over me with no provocation and then took me to their castle. Bloody inconsiderate, doncha' think?"

_"Are you going to move your piece?"_ The drone asked, looking annoyed.

"Fine, fine." He mumbled, moving his black piece.

Just like the last game, this went on for quite some time, Wheatley only stopped playing to eat and use the restroom occasionally, and they finished at about 7 O'clock, the sun was starting to set.

"Well, I'm done. I'm going to the store to get some ice cream."

_"Can I come?"_ GLaDOS asked, with the smiley face turned into a sad face.

Wheatley stopped walking and turned around "Okay, one question: How am I supposed to bring an _apartment_ with me, to a store, and how will I get it in the store, if I do, in fact, manage to bring, an _apartment_ with me? Hmm?" He asked.

_"My drone can come!"_ GLaDOS answered, with the Smiley Avatar smiling again.

"Fine. Let's go." He commanded.

GLaDOS somehow managed to maneuver her drone down the stairs without issue.

Somehow.

Wheatley still wasn't sure exactly _how_ she did it.

There weren't many people on the sidewalk today, only a few noticed the drone, and when they _did, _they rubbed their eyes and walked faster.

Strange people.

When they got to the grocery store, Wheatley grabbed a basket and they walked/drove to the freezer section to pick out ice cream.

And then they argued.

"I _like_ that brand!" Wheatley told her.

_"But THIS brand costs 23.4% less... 'Money'."_ GLaDOS said to him.

"I don't CARE how much less it is, I don't like that brand!"

_"Fine. I'LL buy this brand, and YOU can buy that brand."_

They were attracting a pretty big crowd. One brave boy even came up to GLaDOS and touched her drone.

_"Get your hand off me! Do I look like a toy? Well... Maybe, but I'M NOT A TOY!" _GLaDOS yelled.

"What are you?" The frightened little boy asked.

_"I am... Something you are not. We'll be leaving now." _GLaDOS said, grabbing Wheatley's hand and pulling him towards the checkout lanes.

"Hey! I was looking at tha..." He suddenly noticed the 13 people crowded around them.

"Uhh... Hi?"

_"Let's GO!"_ GLaDOS said, her Smiley Avatar showing an angry yellow face.

"Okay!" Wheatley said, both going over to the Self Checkout.

Their walk home was uneventful, there still weren't that many people walking.

When they got back to Wheatley's apartment, Wheatley put his two containers of ice cream into his tiny fridge, and the proceeded to plop onto his bed and practically fell asleep as soon as he touched the covers, after he put his blue pajamas on.

GLaDOS had decided that she never wanted to go the 'store' again.

* * *

><p><strong>A.N.**

**I imagine GLaDOS's almost-humanoid-but-not drone to look like the First Person Shooter from Wreck-It-Ralph, just with the Aperture Science logo plastered every three inches.**

**BEFORE YOU ASK: NO. GLaDOS will not be 'transferred' into a new body. She will only use her drone and remotely control Wheatley's Apartment.**

**Androidization without cause is a mortal sin. Everyone should know this. Please, people: STOP DOING IT!**

**Thanks for reading and please enjoy!**


	27. Chapter 27

Wheatley woke up, relocated the arm that was over his shoulder, then decided he could sleep for a few more minutes, due to the fact that his alarm hadn't gone off yet.

Yup, his nice n' comfy bed was doing its job being nice n' comfy, although something wasn't quite right.

A cozy, warm bed... Check.

A nice, fluffy pillow... Check.

Thick blankets... Check.

Someone next to him... Check.

Wait, what?

Wheatley shot up "AHHH! GET OUT OF MY-the _hell_ are you doing in my_ bed_?!" He screamed.

GLaDOS's drone, laying next to him in his bed, suddenly turned on and looked surprised.

_"I... I thought you were lonely. And I was lonely. So I got in next to you so neither of us would be lonely!" _She suddenly looked hopeful.

Wheatley, his heart still racing, said "YOU DON'T JUST GET IN SOMEBODY'S BLOODY BED WITHOUT SAID SOMEBODY BEING AWARE!" He screamed, running his hands through his hair.

_"I-I didn't know!" _She said, looking scared and getting off the bed.

"It's just... Something you DON'T do!" He said.

GLaDOS's drone drove out of the room very quickly.

Wheatley stayed on the bed until his alarm went off, his poor little mind still trying to figure out why he said she could _stay_.

Then he started his 'normal' routine.

He took his shower, brushed his teeth, put on his day clothes, 'made' his bed, then went into the kitchen to make toast.

And he did, two delicious pieces of toast came out of the toaster perfectly.

He thought _something_ was missing, but he just couldn't place it.

Oh well, he'd figure it out later.

As he came into the cafe, he noticed a few people he'd never seen before installing some kind of monitor in the high corner of the eating area.

"Oi, what are you doing up there?" He asked the people on the ladders.

"We're installing the new TV the owner ordered, we'll only be a few more minutes, we're almost done." One of them said.

"What's 'TV', and why are you putting it up there?" Wheatley asked the men.

"Can you save your questions for-*oomph*-Later? We're kinda busy." The other man said.

When Wheatley went into the backroom, he noticed Mike on the computer, looking up something called 'cable'.

"Hey, do you know what a 'TV' is?" He asked his boss.

Mike just looked at him like he just said the sky turned green, before saying "You DON'T know what a TV is?" He asked Wheatley.

"Of course not. Why would I?" Wheatley asked, dumbfounded.

"Come with me." Mike said, walking him upstairs to 'his' apartment.

Mike walked into Wheatley's bedroom, went into the walk in closet, then came out holding a dusty monitor.

"_This_ is a TV." He said.

"No. That's a monitor, you plug it into a computer and it displays what the computer's graphics card generates for it." Wheatley said.

"No, this is a different kind of monitor, you plug it into the cable plug on the wall and change the channel to what you want." Mike told him.

Wheatley wanted to see this sorcery for himself, so he helped Mike set it up in his (previously) empty, tiny front room.

"So, you push this button... Then you push these buttons to change what it shows you?" Wheatley asked Mike, while holding a remote.

"Yeah, try it." Mike said.

"Okay..." He pushed the red button on the top of the remote.

"Today, shipments from the top pharmaceutical companies have been delayed due to a factory explosion, all orders that have been placed will be delayed until the factory is repaired and cleaned-A. B. D. E. F. G. H. I. J. K. L.-one, two, three, Jesus love me, one, two, Jesus loves-And stock in Google and Microware have increased by twenty percent-*silence*."

Wheatley was amazed.

"So... I can watch, all these channels, whenever I want?" Wheatley asked.

"Yeah, the channels play different things every hour or half hour, it's-" Mike's watch started beeping. "-Opening time, we gotta go downstairs now." He said, pulling Wheatley into the cafe's backroom with him.

* * *

><p>His job was fun, but rather uneventful, and typically monotonous.<p>

So we'll skip it.

* * *

><p>As Wheatley walked back upstairs, he was trying to figure out what was off today, something just wasn't right. GLaDOS typically can't stay quiet that long while he's getting ready...<p>

GLaDOS hadn't talked to him all day.

He didn't know why he should care, it's not like she was never mean to _him_, but thinking about her sulking in a corner all day made him feel rather guilty.

As he entered 'his' apartment, he noticed that the hologram was still running, so he called out to GLaDOS.

"GLaDOS? What are you doing?" He asked.

Silence.

"Do you want to play a game?"

Silence.

"You sure? 'Cause I feel like playing a game." He said, smiling.

The hologram turned off and he could see the grey panels again.

_"You're not mad at me?"_ The Smiley Avatar, currently frowning, asked.

"'Course not. Like you said: You didn't know. Just don't get in my bed again, it's my bed." Wheatley said.

The Smiley Avatar started smiling again as the drone appeared from behind the wall, and went to get Checkers.

Maybe he and GLaDOS could be friends.

* * *

><p><strong>A.N.**

**Do you see this face? - [-.-] - This face is not amused.**

**Thanks for reading and please enjoy!**


	28. Chapter 28

No, no, no. Strike that, remove it.

XX Maybe he and GLaDOS could be friends. XX

Replace it with:

He and GLaDOS were friends.

Perfect.

It had been a week of Wheatley and GLaDOS playing Checkers, Jenga, and occasionally Clue, a sunday, that Wheatley got a phone call.

Now, Wheatley didn't even know he had a phone, so when it started ringing, he had to find it.

***RING***

"Where is that coming from?"

***RING***

_"It appears to be emanating from the yellow... Object... On the wall."_

***RING***

"Do I... Pick it up, or...?" Wheatley proceeded to pick up the phone's handset and pushed a blinking red button.

"Um, M-Mr. Wheatley?" A man on the phone asked.

"Yeah? This is him. Me! He is me, I am Mr... What do you want?" Wheatley answered, surprised at the sudden voice coming from the handset.

"I am, uh, Director Joshua Yutah, from Happy Homes Mental Hospital, and, well, d-do you remember t-that girl that we took into custody a week or so ago?"

"Of course. And I am bloody grateful you did. Seriously." Wheatley told the man.

"You see, we, we did some psychological tests, a-and, she was obsessed with you, man. I think the term is 'fixated', and she was partly delusional, too, she would not think about anything else..." The man said, sounding nervous.

"Why are you telling me this?" Frightened little Wheatley asked.

"A-about that... See, w-we put her on this new medication, and it worked wonders! She, she was thinking normally again, she only had a... Mild... A-attraction, for you. And we were going to release her in a few weeks... But, the last shipment was late and we were like 'Pfff, What does it matter? A missed dose won't hurt anyone.'" The man paused.

"...But it did, several, actually. We, we still don't know how she blew that wall up, but the recordings caught her mumbling something like 'he's mine, they won't take him from me again, he loves me, not them' over and over and over. W-we think that she might be coming to see you, and that would be... Bad. For, for her. So, we need you to go to TX/RX Pharmacy and show the pharmacist your ID card, we've already paid for the medication and she should give it to you. Remember: If you see that girl, you NEED to get her to take one of those pills, FAST. We tried calling the police but they were... Busy." Then the man hung up.

"Did, did he say... What I think he said?" Wheatley asked, turning to GLaDOS.

GLaDOS's Smiley Avatar was currently glaring at the phone _"Yes. He did."_

"You, you don't really think that she's coming, here?" Wheatley asked, sounding equally parts terrified and nervous.

GLaDOS just looked at him, secretly tracking The Madwoman with one of Aperture's multiple prototype Enemy Spotting Satellites.

The girl was a lot closer than GLaDOS felt comfortable with.

_"It will be fine."_ GLaDOS said.

Wheatley took this as the opportune moment to go and get the medication.

Just like everywhere else in the small town, the pharmacy wasn't very far.

"Hi, how may I help you?" The nice lady at the counter asked.

"I, um, I'm here for a 'medication'." Wheatley said, showing the lady his Temporary ID Card.

"Let's see..." The nice lady said, swiping his ID and checking what was on the page "Levomepromazine? I think that's in the back... I'll go check."

A few minutes later:

"Okay, 4 100 Milligram Levomepromazine tablets, there we go, and here is your receipt." The nice lady said, handing him a slip of long paper and a small orange bottle.

"Thanks." Wheatley said, flashing the nice lady a grateful smile before walking out the door and heading back to 'his' apartment.

He showed the small bottle to GLaDOS shortly before putting them in his pocket and starting another game of Checkers after making sure to lock the door and nailing a board over it.

You know, just to be safe.

* * *

><p>He was HER'S.<p>

GLaDOS couldn't have him, the men in blue suits couldn't have him, the men in white coats couldn't have him.

WHY DID EVERYONE WANT HER WHEATLEY?!

She was walking on an old road that once led to Aperture Science, but she didn't care.

All she cared about was finding her Wheatley, so she could keep him, and no one else could have him.

She wouldn't let him love anyone else.

As she walked through the wheatfield, she noticed a set of footprints, and that meant she was going the right way to find her Wheatley.

He loved her.

And she loved him.

As she came to the entrance of the town, she noticed that Rose's Grocery was closed, but she didn't mind, only Wheatley mattered.

As she FINALLY came to the cafe, she knew she needed a plan, unlike last time.

If she turned off the power, he wouldn't see her, he wouldn't lock the door thinking she was an intruder, and she could have her Wheatley all to herself!

So she executed her plan by going to the back of the cafe and pulling the Industrial Breaker in the back.

Now she could go see HER Wheatley.

* * *

><p><strong>A.N.**

**Levomepromazine is a mild anti-psychotic drug, Chell has mild psychosis (which is why she's delusional) and she has a fixation on Wheatley.**


	29. Chapter 29

All of the lights and electronics suddenly turned off.

_"I KNEW I should have installed the battery... Backu..."_ GLaDOS said, then turning off.

**CRASH**

Wheatley huddled into the corner of the room, guessing who was about to break through his makeshift door blocker.

**CRASH**

Deep breaths, deep breaths, you have the medication in your-No, wait, you don't.

**CRACK**

Wheatley got up and started frantically searching the kitchen for a little orange bottle.

**YEEEEAAAKKKKK-CRASH**

Wheatley saw the small bottle sitting on the checkerboard over by GLaDOS's monitor.

But it was too late.

The Madwoman was walking up the stairs, saying "Wheatley? Are you here?"

Wheatley ran out of the small, open kitchen, to the checkerboard, and then he grabbed the medication bottle and opened it.

"Wheatley!" The Madwoman said, very happily.

"H-Hello!" He said, terrified.

"You love me!" She said, still walking up the stairs very slowly.

"Um, about-"

"What do you want to do?" She asked.

"Umm... How about... Hmm..." He said, trying to think a way out of the horrible-for-him situation.

The Madwoman ran up and kissed him.

Now, this time, Wheatley had predicted her trying to make him ill, and was thus not... AS horrified as the first three times she had.

When she pulled away, Wheatley stuffed a pill from the small orange bottle into her mouth and walked her on the back.

And then he ran over to the sink and thoroughly cleaned his mouth with some mouthwash.

The Madwoman just looked at him, trying to figure out what he just did, he had never done something like that before.

She started to get sleepy, so she pulled Wheatley over to the floor in his tiny living room next to his kitchen, and laid down next to him, falling asleep shortly after.

"Yes! I did it!" Wheatley said, getting up, happy he had not been murdered or locked in a dungeon or... Other things.

He ran out his door, went out to the back of the building, then pulled the huge breaker in the back that had been pulled down.

He ran back inside 'his' apartment.

_"Who is she?"_ GLaDOS asked, glaring at the girl sleeping on the floor.

"She's, umm, the crazy person who used to follow me around." Wheatley said, still a bit nervous about her being in his home.

_"HER... Can I kill her?"_ GLaDOS asked, looking murderous.

"What? Why?! No! She didn't do anything to YOU!" Wheatley answered.

GLaDOS looked at him, then glared at the girl again, then looked at him, then glared at the girl. As if trying to decide if she wanted to kill her or not.

_"Fine. But I DON'T like her."_ GLaDOS said.

"Hnnnnguh..." The Madwoman started moving.

Wheatley facepalmed.

The Madwoman woke up, then looked at Wheatley, then at GLaDOS, then at Wheatley, then at GLaDOS.

"Hi." She said.

_"Hello. Nice to see you again_."GLaDOS spat.

"What did I say to you?" The Madwoman asked, pointing at Wheatley while rubbing her eyes in shame.

"I...I don't want to talk about it." Wheatley said, making sure to stay close to GLaDOS.

"So you DON'T love me?" The Madwoman asked, looking a bit disappointed.

"No, but we can be... Friends." Wheatley said.

GLaDOS started glaring at him.

"I-I need to go back to where I was, that hospital place." The Madwoman said.

"Um, Lady, how about we just go to the police station and let them take you back? 20 miles is an awful lot of walking."

"Sure." The Madwoman said, getting up.

"Great." He nudged GLaDOS with his elbow.

GLaDOS really, REALLY wanted to come.

* * *

><p>"What do you mean she's 'denied'?" Wheatley asked Lucas at the front desk.<p>

"She's done. She doesn't need any further treatment, she's been released under the condition she takes her medication every morning and night." Lucas said.

"And, you've been... Designated, as her 'caretaker'." Lucas finished.

"What?" Wheatley asked.

"You, you have to make sure she takes her medication every morning and every night. That's what you've been assigned to." Lucas said.

"No! You can't make me!" Wheatley said.

"Well, I guess you COULD hire someone to do it for you, but she's your responsibility now, if she needs any treatment or causes property damage due to neglecting her medication, you'll be the one responsible." Lucas told him.

"Of bloody course." Wheatley mumbled.

Wheatley walked back to the waiting room.

"Come on, let's go." He told The Madwoman.

"What? They're not taking me anywhere?" She asked, confused.

"No, you've been... Released." Wheatley said, as she got up and they started walking out the front door.

"Good. God, I hated that place." She said.

"Lady-" Wheatley started.

"Why are you calling me 'Lady'? I have a name, you know." She said, a bit offended.

"I don't, um, know your name." Wheatley said.

"It's Chell." Chell said.

"Uhm, 'Chell', you were released under the condition that I check on you twice a day and make sure you take your medication." Wheatley told her.

"Oh. Why you?" Chell asked.

"I don't know. Oh, um, you need to take this." Wheatley held out a small white and red pill for her.

"Thanks." Chells said, then she swallowed the small pill.

"Okay, there is your apartment, I believe... So, see you tomorrow, then." Wheatley said.

"Okay, bye." Chell replied.

Wheatley turned and walked away.

* * *

><p><strong>A.N.**

**HAHAHAHAHAHAHA ALL YOUR CAKE IS BELONGING TO ME!**

**Thanks for reading!**


	30. Chapter 30

The next day, after every going to give Chell her medication, Wheatley was, like every other Monday, working as the cashier in Cafe A Late.

To Wheatley's surprise, the pharmacist came in at around sixish (The cafe closed at eight) and ordered a coffee and doughnut.

"Hello, miss, what can I get for you today?" Wheatley asked with his silly-but-absolutely-charming smile.

"Oh, I'd like a black coffee and a... Bavarian Bismark Creme doughnut." The nice lady who had just walked, who also happened to be the nice pharmacist from TX/RX Pharmacy.

"Sure thing, that will be... $4.21." Wheatley told her.

"Okay, here's a five." The lady handed him a Five Dollar Bill.

"Seventy-nine cents is your change, there we go, it'll be just a minute before your order's ready, Dan's still making a new batch of doughnuts." Wheatley told her happily,

"Thank you. Wait, aren't you the guy who came in for Levomepromazine? Millard, was it?" The lady asked him.

Wheatley felt a bit nervous "Yes, that was me, I was getting medication for this... Lady, who was... Following... Me around." Wheatley said uncomfortably.

"Oh, so, she's a deranged psychotic who really likes you?" She asked.

"Yeah, that's about it, except I don't 'really like' her, it's really uncomfortable." He said,

"Well my name's Laura Avery." Laura said, extending her hand while trying to change the subject.

"My name is Millard Wheatley, but I'd like it if you called me Wheatley, pleasure to meet you." Wheatley said while shaking Laura's hand, feeling as if he had mastered the art of 'social interaction'.

"Wheatley!" A voice called from the kitchen in the back.

"That would be Dan, be back in a minute.

A few minutes later, Wheatley came back to the front carrying a tray filled with doughnuts, which he slid into a compartment in the counter after he handed Laura her doughnut and coffee.

"Thanks, I guess I'll see you later, then." Laura said, beginning to turn around.

"Wait, before you go, could I have your 'phone number'?" Wheatley asked, air quotes and all.

"Sure." She said, she tore a small piece of paper off of her 'receipt' and used a small pen from her purse to write her 10 digit numerical order down on the slip off paper that she handed to Wheatley.

"Thanks, I'll 'call' you later." Wheatley said, once again using air quotes.

"That'll be great, I'll talk to you then." She said, then she turned and left through the front door.

Later that day, Wheatley locked the store and went up to 'his' apartment to talk to GLaDOS.

As soon as he went up the stairs and talked to her, she interrogated him.

_"Who is she?"_ GLaDOS demanded, using her Drone to point at the image of Laura on the television.

"Oh, that's,,, Wait a minute, how did you get that?" Wheatley asked, pointing at the very same television.

_"I got it from the security camera in the lobby, I ask again: Who is she?"_ GLaDOS demanded yet again.

"Okay, first: Stop spying on me, it's creepy. Second: SHE is Laura, she's the pharmacist that gave me Chell's medicat-OH GOOD GOD HER MEDICATION!" Wheatley's eyes practically bulged out of their sockets when he realized that he had not yet gone to administer her second pill-taking.

He ran to the bathroom, grabbed the pill bottle, then bolted down the stairs and out the door as fast as possible.

When he got to Chell's apartment, he was absolutely relieved that she was peacefully sitting on her couch watching a movie about two long lost lovers destined to be together.

When he burst through the door, Chell sneak-ahugged him and squealed.

"Wheatley! I didn't think you were coming again!" Chell squealed like a little school girl who was just told that her Barbie dolls had come to life and wanted to take her to the magical Fairy Land where she would rule over them forever as the Fairy Goddess who could eat chocolate and cake and strudel and schnitzel all day long and keep peace throughout the world while spreading rainbows and love across the land.

Yes, you just read that right.

"Here, take this." Wheatley said frantically, practically throwing the pill at her.

"Oh, thanks." Chell said, swallowing the pill.

"I actually need to, go, now... I have some things I need to do..." Wheatley told her.

"Oh, well, okay, I guess you'd better go, then." Chell said, disappointed.

"Well, then, bye, I guess..." Wheatley said, then he left before things could get anymore awkward.

Wheatley got back to his apartment, but when he went upstairs, panels came down and covered up the door, preventing it from opening.

Weird.

_"Who. Is. She?" _GLaDOS demanded angrily

"SHE. IS. LAURA. She is the pharmacist I got Chell's medication from!" Wheatley replied, fed up with the repeated question.

_"Oh. So she isn't your friend?"_ GLaDOS asked.

"What? Yes, she is my friend, I met her today, well, I 'met' her yesterday, but I didn't know her name... So I made an acquaintance with her today. Happy?" Wheatley said.

GLaDOS said nothing as she unblocked the entrance door and shut off for the night.

She was jealous.

* * *

><p><strong>A.N.**

**Laura has brown eyes, blondish hair, is about 5' 9, slightly tan skin, she's just a little bit pudgy, but definitely not fat by any stretch of the imagination.**

**And now, review responses.**

**Guest: ...Uhh... Thanks? I guess?  
><strong>

**GraceDaGurl Review One: Aww! You've made me feel all warm and fuzzy insi-*SLAP* (HEY! STOP TAKING MY WALLET YOU FREAK!)**

**GraceDaGurl Review Two: Yus! My Mental Disorder/Thought Experiment/Creep Test/Writing Practice was a success! My life is complete!**

**GraceDaGurl Review Three: *sheds a tear* Rest in peace *sniff* GraceDaGurl, you shall be missed. *sniff***

**And now, Pineapples. Lots of them.  
><strong>

**I am now adding to my thought experiment with GLaDOS being jealous of Wheatley's (Spoiler: Future girlfriend and maybe wife, haven't decided yet) acquaintance!**

**On another note:**

**Soon, deer peoples, soon I will post some Shameless Chelley Fluff. But, because I'm part of the We're Monsters And Proud Of It Club (and 'I'm different!'), it will contain some... Gorey... Stuff...**

**Hint: Murderer!Chell hint hint**

**On another, more random note:**

**HURRAH FOR 3D PRINTERS! MEET PLASTIC CAKE! IT WILL NEVAH GO BAD!  
><strong>

**MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!**


	31. Chapter 31

**The next morning.**

After Wheatley went to Chell's Apartment to administer her medication takage, and trying to get her to stop crying and coax her to go to Rose's Grocery for her shift, Wheatley came back to 'his' apartment and called the number Laura had given him.

"So, Sunday, at the park, at 11 O'clock then? Great, see you then." Wheatley said into the phone, before putting it back on its base.

_"Was that 'Laura', our are you meeting even MORE people without me?"_ GLaDOS asked maliciously, her Smiley Avatar looking angrily at the phone.

Wheatley turned to her with a face most accurately described as 'Are you high?' "NOW what are you on about? I'm allowed to have friends, aren't I?" Wheatley asked sarcastically.

_"No. You are not."_ GLaDOS replied flatly.

Wheatley facepalmed "I don't have time for this, I need to go clock in." Wheatley said, walking down the stairs and out the door.

Leaving GLaDOS to play another 4357 rounds of internet checkers while trying to suppress her jealousy.

* * *

><p>Yet again, Wheatley's job is incredibly monotonous and extremely tedious to write.<p>

Trust me, I've tried.

So, like every other time, we'll skip it.

* * *

><p>As Wheatley finished up and was about to lock the front door, he noticed a house, not too far away, that had a 'For Rent' sign in its yard.<p>

After locking the front door, he decided to go to the back room and use the computer to look up houses.

He became quite interested in what he was reading, and didn't notice he'd been reading about/looking for houses for over an hour.

Then, he found the one that was 'listed' only a few blocks away.

The front entryway led off to the main 'living area', with a side closet on the left, the 'living area' led off to the kitchen on the left, and a small bathroom on the right, with a small hallway leading to stairs branching off the entryway on right.

Upstairs, there was a small bedroom, a small bathroom, and a closet.

He actually really liked the thousand square foot home, it looked cozy.

He'd have to ask GLaDOS if they could 'move' into it.

* * *

><p>"GLaDOS, can you undo everything you... Did, to this apartment?" Wheatley asked GLaDOS as he finished climbing the stairs.<p>

GLaDOS's Smiley Avatar's expression suddenly changed to shock/extreme hurt/anger _"You... Don't like me?" _She asked, her voice quivering a tiny bit, almost at the breaking point of her rage.

Wheatley suddenly felt extremely bad "Nonono! I do like you, I'm just thinking about... Moving." Wheatley told her, waving his arms in a calming fashion.

GLaDOS suddenly felt relieved, but still angry "_I can. But I will need to know where to relocate my remote systems." _She said, trying to sound like she didn't really care.

"Oh, that's great! See, there's this house I wanna get, and it's 'For Rent', and the payment on the one I like would be really cheap! Only $520 a month!"

GLaDOS didn't know why they couldn't just stay where they were _"Why do you want to move? And which house are you considering?" _She asked.

"Because this place is _small_! And it isn't really even mine! Oh, I think the address was... '135 Applewood Drive'" He told her, nodding with satisfaction.

GLaDOS quickly looked it up, and _she_ liked it too, and Whealtey was right, it was $520 a month for rent.

"_It IS a nice house... And I could decorate it!"_ GLaDOS sounded extremely happy she could decorate a whole house and change it to her liking, unlike 'Wheatley's' current apartment.

"I'm going to see a 'realtor' in a few days so I can walk through the house, then we can decide if it's good or not."

Wheatley's life seemed to just be getting better and better.

* * *

><p><strong>I'm sorry this took so long, between watching anime, reading other fanfiction, playing AoE II HD, trying to get OfficeMax to let me use their industrial printer to print out GLaDOS and Me (something about an 80 page limit. Bah), <strong>**and just trying to write this way-too-tedious chapter, I can safely say that this took too long.**

**On another note:**

**Wow, for some reason the line "**He'd have to ask GLaDOS if they could 'move' into it." **seemed really disturbing, and I don't even know why. It was almost like they were married.**

**I am having a really, REALLY hard time deciding whether or not to make this WheatDOS or WheatleyxOC.**

**On a third note:**

**After many hours of a long, tedious war with my brother's friend's sister, ****I HAVE SUCCESSFULLY CAPTURED THE BLUE DEMON HORSEY RAINBOW THING HAT.**

**IT IS MINE.**

**YOU CAN'T HAVE IT.**


End file.
